^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,488 subscribers!
Plus the 5,663 different people who visited it in May
Plus the 5,917 different people who visited it in June
and the 3,077 different people who have visited it so far this month
or use the RSS feed.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~


DOMAIN NAME PROBLEMS
======================

I'm having a problem with the BoneheadOfTheDay.com and
BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com domains.  If you try to send any eMail
through either of these two domains, it may bounce back.

For now, anything you would send through these domains, like
WhatIPutUpWith@..., please send instead to
jerry@...

Thank you!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS TO YOU We are comfortably number 3!!! in the top 10 ezines at
EzineFinder with 5,394 votes !!!  And moving up!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!


Reader, Linda T., has this advice: "I've found an easy way to vote for
Bonehead!  Just leave the 'vote confirmation' page in your mailbox and
click on it once a day.  It'll count your vote."


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award six bonehead awards!


Sometimes You Should Keep Your Legal Opinions To Yourself


If you're going to submit fake documents into evidence during a court
case, it is always best that you remove any statements describing the
judge as a Nazi before handing her the papers.  It gets the judge
upset and only proves the documents are faked.

Two Virginia Beach, Virginia, lawyers and a law clerk from the law
firm of Scialdone & Taylor were jailed and fined for contempt by
Circuit Judge Patricia L. West.

"During the trial, Scialdone brought into court a [fraudulent]
document printed from an Internet chat room. The document, which had
been created by Jones [the clerk], contained the words "West is a
Nazi." The phrase was used as a screen name on a Yahoo account."


The Virginian Pilot 15-Jul-06
http://home.hamptonroads.com/stories/story.cfm?story=107611&ran=246601

------------------------------

The answer is at least $1 Million

The question is "What is the total value of all replacement routers
3COM will send to you to replace the one single router that you bought
that you keep claiming is broken until they finally realize you never
sent a single one back to them and they've sent you hundreds of new
ones?"

We think 3COM deserves a bonehead award for this one.

"Kevin Dunn kept calling computer company 3COM with the same
problem -- the computer routers at his small business were broken.
3COM would send him new routers and wait for Dunn, 27, to send back
the others."

" ... [Dunn] would take the company labels off with a blow dryer, add
his own, then sell what he got from 3COM on eBay.  Then he would call
3COM complaining of another broken router."

The police found $670,000 worth of routers in Dunn's storage unit.
They didn't say how many he had sold on eBay.

"3COM estimates its losses at more than $1 million, according to the
arrest documents."


Miami Herald 14-Jul-06
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/15034135.htm

-----------------------------------------

Dumb and Pushy.  A Bad Combination For A Bank Robber


Here's today's dumb criminal.  Click here to see Britain's dumbest
bank robber in action.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery31.html

---------------------------------------------------------

Crazy Feet


Five patients at a southwest suburban mental facility in Tinley Park,
Illinois, made a daring escape from the facility after breaking a
Window.

Why are you reading about it here?  The facility is purely voluntary.
Any of the five could have just walked out the front door.

Thanks to reader Bruce from Naperville, Illinois, for sending this
story to me.


Naperville Sun (Illinois) 11-Jul-06
http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/sunpub/naper/news/6_1_NA11_STATE1_S10711.htm



=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting


Forget quicksand and shark attacks, child-rearing is the truly
terrifying activity.

Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to remove objects
stuck in a child's nose or gum stuck in hair, and how to survive
endless soccer games, slumber parties, and sleep deprivation.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811841553/boneheofthedayaw/102-7563539-8\
500946?creative=0&camp=0&adid=1F503YJAYEV04H95FXM0&link_code=as1
or http://tinyurl.com/oo2q5

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


U R L of A Bad Name


Here are the top worst business URLs:

**

An agency named "Who Represents" can tell you the name of the agent
representing a celebrity.

Their website is www.whorepresents.com.  Is it www.WhoRepresents.com
or www.WhorePresents.com ???

**

Experts Exchange is a knowledge base for programmers maintained by
programmers to help each other.

Their website is www.expertsexchange.com.  Is it
www.ExpertsExchange.com or www.ExpertSexChange.com ???

**

Want to buy a pen?  Pen Island is the place to go.

Go to website www.penisland.net. Is it www.PenIsland.net or
www.PenisLand.net ???

**

Looking for a therapist?

Try www.therapistfinder.com. Is it www.TherapistFinder.com or
www.TheRapistFinder.com ????

**

Looking for the Italian Power Generator company?

They are at www.powergenitalia.com.  Must be patriarchal with a site
called www.PowerGenitalia.com ????

**

If you want to find the Mole Station Native Nursery (they grow
flowers):

Look at www.molestationnursery.com.  Is it www.MoleStationNursery.com
or www.MolestationNursery.com ??

**

You can find computer software at www.IPAnywhere.com (Presumably you
go here after you're pissed at your regular software supplier).

**

In retrospect, being the First Cumming Methodist Church, and picking a
URL of www.CummingFirst.com was probably a poor choice.

**

If you need an art designer, you can find one at Speed Of Art

Their URL is www.speedofart.com.  Or is it www.SpeedOfArt.com or
www.SpeedOFart.com ???


Have you found an unfortunate website address (URL?).  Send it to me
at URLNuts@... .  Tell me if I can use your name
and your location if you want credit.


-------------------------------------

We're All Gonna Die!

The US Department of Homeland Security, in their latest list of
potential US terrorist targets, includes Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo,
the Mule Day Parade, The Apple and Pork festival, Nix's Check Cashing,
Bean Fest (should actually keep the terrorists away), the Amish
Country Popcorn factory, the Sweetwater Flea Market and some strange
location simply described as "beach at end of street."

It lists some 8,591 potential terrorist targets in Indiana,
significantly more than New York which is at 5,687 and much more again
than California's 3,212 sites.  Indiana is therefore the most
potentially targeted state?

"We don't find it embarrassing," said the department's deputy press
secretary, Jarrod Agen. "The list is a valuable tool."  And herein is
the crux of the problem.  The agency doesn't see that this is
embarrassing.  They even think it's valuable!  These are the kind of
people working in this agency.  I would feel much better if Homeland
Security was a little embarrassed by this list.  Heck, I'm embarrassed
by this list and I didn't even create the stupid thing.

We're doomed.

The New York Times 12-Jul-06
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/12/washington/12assets.html


*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


From Fark.com:


MAN CARRYING KORAN AND ALL PARTS NEEDED TO BUILD A BOMB ALLOWED TO
BOARD DELTA FLIGHT IN HOUSTON.  MEANWHILE YOUR GRANDMOTHER WILL BE
LATE GETTING TO YOUR HOME DUE TO A FULL CAVITY SEARCH

MAN INVENTS WIFE TO COLLECT 9/11 BENEFITS, CAUGHT WHEN AUTHORITIES
NOTED HE LOOKED WELL-RESTED AND, YES, HE DID WEAR THAT SHIRT OUT IN
PUBLIC

EXPERTS REPORT THAT SEX WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN WILL NOT SPEED UP LABOR,
ALTHOUGH IT MIGHT GET YOU KICKED OUT OF THE MATERNITY WARD

JAPANESE COUPLES CAN HAVE THEIR WEDDING PICS SHOT INTO SPACE -- WHERE
THEY'LL PROBABLY BE LOOKED AT MORE OFTEN

PSYCHIATRIST WHO COMMITTED MEDICAID FRAUD BY OVERBILLING HER PATIENTS
GETS CHEERED BY THOSE SAME SHORT-CHANGED PATIENTS WHEN SHE IS GIVEN
PROBATION INSTEAD OF BEING SENT TO PRISON.  WELL, THEY ARE CRAZY, YOU
KNOW

HOMELAND SECURITY TERROR WARNING SYSTEM SIMPLIFIED TO YELLOW, ORANGE,
RED AND ELECTION YEAR

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

!!! DID YOU GET THIS FAR??  !!!

So I can track how many people actually read this, can you click the
link below?  It's super fast.  No pictures, no cookies, no
advertising.  It just bumps the statistics.

I am very appreciative!

http://www.lerman.biz/ReaderCount.html

<a href="http://www.lerman.biz/ReaderCount.html">AOL readers please
click here</a>

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

Not today


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

In Death There Can Be Life

Berkeley Pit Lake in Butte, Montana, was killed off by a now defunct
copper mine when it polluted the lake so badly that almost all natural
life in the lake was killed off.

A bad thing you say?  Think again.

Because the environment is now too toxic for native and common species
of aquatic life, in moved a set of new never before seen life.  And
these new species of fungi and bacteria discovered owing to the death
of the lake from pollution, may one day save your life.

According to Andrea Stierle, a chemist at the University of Montana in
Butte, a strain of pithomyces fungi has been discovered which produces
a compound that binds to receptors that cause migraine headaches.
This substance could someday be used to block these headaches.

She has also discovered a different penicillium fungi strain which
produces a compound that stops the growth of lung cancer cells.

Another newly discovered penicillium produces a compound that slows
ovarian cancer cells by 50 percent.

She's hurrying up her research before the toxic site gets cleaned up.

New Scientist 15-Jul-06
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn9553&feedId=online-news_rss20



????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
You can vote once a day.

????????


##########################################

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top DVDs!
http://tinyurl.com/32nln

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
http://tinyurl.com/ywukl


#########################################


*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************



---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.


***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************

What women say: "Don't touch that. It's a feminine hygiene product."

What men hear: "Don't touch that. It's live Ebola culture."


Andrea Brosgall, Toronto, Canada



Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************

My husband (at the time) asked me several times for Christmas gift
suggestions.  I finally made a list of some things I wanted, but when
I opened my gifts from him, there was nothing that I had asked for.
When I asked him why he didn't buy anything that was on my list, he
said that he accidentally left the list in his truck when he went in
the mall and didn't feel like walking all the way back out to the
truck to get it!

Marilynn


HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...


***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************
The lady who lives downstairs asked me, when I barely knew her (and
was visiting to keep her company like the good Samaritan I am), to
massage her neck. I was kind, and obliged... with SAVLON! She gave me
a powerful antiseptic with a noxious smell, and asked me to rub it
into her. Once finished, she demanded that I give her pet a massage
also. I suggested I do it without the creme, and she would not let me
leave until I had massaged her pet.

I consider the feat an achievement, given that the pet was a Pekinese
dog, who was so old (15) that it should have been in a museum, and was
covered in several dozen grape sized warts which made me want to pass
out every time I touched them.



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.

***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

"These real stories are better than any jokes. It's amazing how dumb
some folks can be."

Carol


-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=sign


You can READ entries in the guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=view


============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/bonehe.ezine



Want to see the archive?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08082002 091853 154

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
new content is available so you don't have to be checking every day.

If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
interesting alternative for you.

Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subscription Info
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are the magic E-mail addresses to manage your subscription:

To join send a blank message to
BoneheadOfTheDayAward-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit our web site
at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com

To unsubscribe send a blank message to
BoneheadOfTheDayAward-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com You must send the
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Put your E-mail on hold (vacation mode) send a blank message to
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Take your E-mail off hold send a blank message to
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Want to change your address?

Go to http://www.yahoogroups.com.  If you have a Yahoo ID, sign in.
Otherwise follow the directions to get one.  Once you sign in, you
should be able to change you address associated with all your
yahoogroups mailings.

Want to advertise? Check out the information on our web site at
http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2180827,00.html

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,486 subscribers!
Plus the 5,663 different people who visited it in May
Plus the 5,917 different people who visited it in June
and the 3,604 different people who have visited it so far this month
or use the RSS feed.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~



-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're moving on up with 5,620 votes !!!  Number two is at 9473 on the
eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!


Last issue we had a tip from a reader to leave the voting confirmation
in your inbox and you can easily vote every day.  Turns out this
doesn't work.

Reader Bonita Konkel asked eZine Finder about it because it didn't
seem to be working and she was told:

"I think the problem is that you were using the old confirmation link.
That is only usable once for your vote."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Emails sent to BoneheadOfTheDayAward (like
WhatIPutUpWith@...) is working again.



*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award four bonehead awards!



Man Turned On By His Neighbor's Garage Door


A UK man claims that a penile implant, containing a remote control
activated chip, that he had put in in Turkey to cure his impotence, is
running on the same frequency as his neighbor's garage door opener and
so every time his neighbor comes home both the neighbor's garage door
and his willy raise up.

It's not because he's happy to see his neighbor.

"Every time his car pulls in, I can't leave the house. It's not
funny," says the man.

No it's not funny.  You can poke someone's eye out with that thing.

I know, you think someone is just screwing with the newspaper. That
this is just a cockamamie story.

But I found this in an article published by the American Diabetes
Association:

"Penile prosthesis is a viable option for men who cannot use
s*ildenafil and who find the injections or vacuum e*rection therapy
distasteful. A non-adjustable semi-rigid prosthesis is easy to insert
and has no postoperative mechanical problems. The inflatable
prosthesis has a pump that is put in the testicular sac for on-demand
inflation and deflation. Future versions will have a remote control
device similar to a garage-door opener."  The article can be found at
http://clinical.diabetesjournals.org/cgi/content/full/19/1/45



The Daily Record (Scotland) 18-Jul-06
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=17400658%26method=full%26siteid=66\
633%26headline=there%2ds%2dbeen%2da%2dbit%2dof%2da%2dlock%2dup-name_page.html
or http://tinyurl.com/m4umn


-----------------------------------------------

Fluid Thinking


Atlanta's David Karem, in charge of Atlanta's Waterfront Park, wanted
to find a way to keep people out of their 900 foot long fountain
pools.  They tried all the standard things.  Then he had an idea.  If
people were too ignorant to stay out of the fountains then maybe they
could be too ignorant to go into the fountains.

"[I] was counting on a lack of understanding about water's chemical
makeup."

His solution?

He put up signs that say "Danger" and "High Levels Of Hydrogen".

As you know, but as most people do not know apparently, water is 2/3
hydrogen and 1/3 oxygen.  It worked.


Louisville Courier-Journal 17-Jul-06
http://www.twincities.com/mld/pioneerpress/news/local/15055411.htm?source=yahood\
ist&content=twc_news
or http://tinyurl.com/j5gtx


------------------------------------------------

Internet For Dummies, Part II


Last week we gave a bonehead award to Senator Ted Stevens for his
amazing explanation that the Internet is just a series of tubes which
can get clogged for days by people dumping too much stuff into those
tubes.

Here's a real funny look at the Internet from Jon Stewart of Comedy
Central: http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery31.html





=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting


Forget quicksand and shark attacks, child-rearing is the truly
terrifying activity.

Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to remove objects
stuck in a child's nose or gum stuck in hair, and how to survive
endless soccer games, slumber parties, and sleep deprivation.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811841553/boneheofthedayaw/102-7563539-8\
500946?creative=0&camp=0&adid=1F503YJAYEV04H95FXM0&link_code=as1
or http://tinyurl.com/oo2q5

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-



Carpetbaggers Return To The South


Carpet installers in Covington, Georgia, went to install new carpeting
at a customers house.  Finding nobody home, did they 1) Leave a notice
asking the customer to call for another appointment?  2) Wait around a
bit?  or 3) Break into the house and install the carpeting anyway?

Bonus 1.  It was the wrong house.
Bonus 2.  They removed a much more expensive carpet and replaced it
with the cheaper carpet.

"Capps --- whose family was out of town that day --- had left his
garage door slightly raised so his 90-pound black Labrador Abby could
come and go. ("Some watchdog, huh?" he joked.)  The intruders crawled
under the garage door "Indiana Jones-style," then jimmied open the
kitchen lock."


Atlanta Journal-Constitution 14-Jul-06
http://www.ajc.com/search/content/auto/epaper/editions/yesterday/metro_447b925ef\
198305600c8.html







*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


From Fark.com:

NOT SATISFIED WITH NICKEL-AND-DIMING YOU TO DEATH, CONGRESS NOW WANTS
TO LEAVE YOU PENNILESS

BILL INTRODUCED TO ELIMINATE THE ONLY US CURRENCY INCREASING IN VALUE
... THE PENNY

DRUNK DRIVER ARRESTED AFTER RUNNING HIMSELF OVER

AN LA TIMES COLUMNIST CLAIMS THAT ZIDANE'S HEAD BUTT IS BUSH'S FAULT.
I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP

BILL CLINTON FORCED TO WALK THROUGH METAL DETECTOR AT AIRPORT, JUST
LIKE THE REST OF US.  FOR SOME REASON, THIS IS CONSIDERED 'NEWS'




*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************


Not today



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************


From the QT column of the Chicago Sun-Times:


PETA File


People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals regarding the eating of
Fourth of July hot dogs:

"Meat hot dogs can contain all sorts of ugly stuff, including the
stomachs, snouts --"

No question. PETA makes an excellent case for pork chops.






????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
You can vote once a day.

????????




##########################################

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Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
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#########################################





*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************





---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.


***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************

Questions men ask that women don't want to answer:

"How much money did you spend today?"
"Just how many pairs of black shoes do you actually need?"
"What happened to the rest of the cheesecake?"



Questions women ask that men don't want to answer:

"Do you love me?"
"Do these pants make me look fat?"
"What are you thinking right now?"




Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************

Soon after we got engaged, my fiancé (now my husband of five years)
and I were heading out to do some Christmas shopping. I really wanted
to make a good impression on my future mother-in-law, so I prodded my
fiancé into calling her and getting some ideas. He dutifully phoned
and then reported that she had requested a Swiffer broom. These are
the brooms that use disposable cleaning pads--they cost about $10 at
Target. I balked at this and demanded he come up with more ideas, but
he insisted that his mother was very practical and if that's what she
asked for, that's what she wanted. So I let him buy her the broom--and
I emailed my father-in-law separately to find out what brand of
perfume she wore so I could buy her a gift set with body wash, lotion,
etc--I even found candles in her perfume's scent. Come Christmas,
guess who was the star? I made a great impression on my MIL, and she
laughed her tush off at my fiancé and his broom with a bow on it.

--Deborah






HELP!!
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VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


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     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************


I worked in retail for over thirty years, most of it in management.  I
once had a lady bring in a men's dress shirt still in the package, and
she had her receipt but I couldn't give her a refund.  I told her that
the shirt was purchased at another store in the mall we were in and
suggested she take it to them for a refund.  She insisted that she had
bought the shirt from us despite the fact that the price tag on the
shirt and the receipt both had the other store's name printed on them.
We ended up sending one of our employees with the shirt and receipt to
the other store, getting the refund and giving her the money.

-Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

Jerry, I want to thank you again for your site; my wife, who's
disabled, and who has far too little in her life to laugh about as
things stand, was feeling really rotten just a little while ago; in an
effort to cheer her up, I began reading your latest Bonehead Awards to
her.  It looked like even that wasn't going to do any good, until I
got to the "URL of a Bad Name" section.

By the time I got to the end of it, she was laughing hysterically, she
was bright red in the face, and she was in actual physical danger of
falling out of her electric wheelchair.

Ya done good, kid.  Keep up the good work.

Dennis L. Crabtree, Laurel, MS




-------------------------------------------------------

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============================================================
08082002 091853 154

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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So, if you are always hungry for the next bonehead of the day award,
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*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award eight bonehead awards!



They Said They Were Expecting An Award. Here It Is

A Ukrainian construction company had this great engineering idea for
quickly building a tall building ... by keeping the crane inside the
building the entire time. Now they can't figure out how to get the
crane out.

"An incredible event took place in Ivano-Frankovsk, Ukraine. Builders
bricked up a tower crane in a new building and only understood how
complicated the situation was after they had completed it. Now they
are struggling to find a way to get the crane out."

It's Not Poor Planning, It's A Feature!

Despite this one minor little detail, "...the building firm is proud
of the results of its work ... and they hope to receive a state
architecture award for it." I hope they'll settle for this award.

Pravda (Russia) 21-Jul-06
http://test.funreports.com/fun/21-07-2006/1395-tower-crane-0


-----------------------------------------------

On The Track To Finding The World's Dumbest Driver

A woman in Brisbane, driving at night with her daughter, made a wrong
turn and ended up on a railroad track behind a train. She began
tailgating and " ... honking her car horn at the train as she followed
it for 300m before being stuck on the tracks."

Police arrested her for dangerous driving.

News.com.au (Australia) 17-Jul-06
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19813839-13762,00.html
via Oldster's View at http://oldstersview.wordpress.com/2006/07/19/


------------------------------------------------

ASSFault

Back on June 12th we gave an "Unclear On The Concept Bonehead Award"
to the Poole Borough Council in the UK for causing a two-mile traffic
jam during rush hour because they were pulling motorists over so they
could ask questions about traffic congestion!

Turns out that unlike what I thought at the time, it wasn't the
dumbest thing a group of bureaucrats could ever do. This is.

The Essex County Council in the UK stopped traffic on a major artery
during both the morning and evening rush hour, causing an 11 mile
backup on one of the hottest days on record, delaying traffic 2 hours
in the sweltering heat, so they could ask motorists questions "aimed
at making journeys across south Essex easier." Police pleaded with
them to call it off to no avail.

Temperatures reached 97.7F (36.5C).

The Daily Mail (UK) 20-Jul-06
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=3968\
13&in_page_id=1770


------------------------------------------------

Fire Retarded

In you live on campus and you want to meet women, do you 1) Hang out
at the library to talk to a classmate? 2) Attend University social
gatherings? 3) Join an on-campus club? or 4) Set a couch on fire at
the dorm hoping to meet women as they evacuate the building?

Matthew Damsky, a student at the University of Central Florida, was
arrested after admitting that he set fire to a couch in his dorm,
hoping to meet women as they were evacuating.

WKMG (Florida) 19-Jul-06
http://www.local6.com/firstnews/9546222/detail.html



=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting


Forget quicksand and shark attacks, child-rearing is the truly
terrifying activity.

Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to remove objects
stuck in a child's nose or gum stuck in hair, and how to survive
endless soccer games, slumber parties, and sleep deprivation.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811841553/boneheofthedayaw/102-7563539-8\
500946?creative=0&camp=0&adid=1F503YJAYEV04H95FXM0&link_code=as1
or http://tinyurl.com/oo2q5

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


There's No Accounting For Gross Incompetence

We have to give a bonehead award to the UK Home Office, for

     * not only producing a document showing that it's gross
transactions for one year amounted to about $39.3 trillion, or about 1
1/2 times the Gross Domestic Product of the entire Earth, but

     * for not having a clue that the numbers were so out of line when
they submitted their financial report to government auditors, and

     * because this is exactly what numbers exist in their new
accounting system.


The Register (UK) 21-Jul-06
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/21/home_office/


----------------------------------------

The Worst Police Arrest Ever

The mans gets out of the cuffs while in the back of the cruiser. Takes
the taser from the officer driving the car and tasers him. The officer
pulls over, leaves the car to fight with the man. The man jumps back
into the police car and drives off.

The Sun News (South Carolina) 19-Jul-06
http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/mld/sunnews/15069712.htm


------------------------------------------


Water Foul

If you're a major brand of bottled water and you decide to ridicule
someone else's water in your full page advertisements, it's never a
good idea to be shipping your water with the highest levels of arsenic
and other contaminants, as the victim of your ridicule may be
motivated to check you out.

Fiji water thought it was a good idea to use the slogan "Fiji because
it's not bottled in Cleveland" in their full page advertisements,
forgetting that Cleveland has water testing laboratories, and they
aren't afraid to use them.

Cleveland found that Fiji water had the highest content of arsenic and
other contaminants of any water they tested, municipal and bottled. In
fact, Cleveland tap water, Aqafina, Dasani and Evian had no measurable
arsenic. Fiji had 6.31 micrograms, although 3.79 micrograms short of
the Federal limit.

"Before you take a cheap shot at somebody, know what you're talking
about," said Cleveland Water Commissioner J. Christopher Nielson.

A Fiji spokesperson says they don't accept the analysis because it
wasn't done by an independent laboratory. And in the "not knowing when
to give it a rest category," he went on to explain that they picked on
Cleveland because people in Cleveland are used to getting picked on.


The Cleveland Plain Dealer 19-Jul-06
http://www.cleveland.com/cuyahoga/plaindealer/index.ssf?/base/cuyahoga/115329787\
6167000.xml&coll=2



-----------------------------------------

Postal Fraud

A UK Sub-Postmaster has been ordered to pay back about $5,700 towards
money stolen from his post office while he was on duty during which a
robber beat him into unconsciousness by giving him 10 blows about his
head with a steel crowbar. He recovered in intensive care.

He is being ordered to repay the money because the postal rules in the
UK say that during a robbery the sub-postmaster must never leave the
"postal hatch" unprotected, even under conditions described by police
as "involving a level of violence rarely seen." Even being unconscious
is no excuse.

What is a postal hatch?

It is apparently a very secret thing in a UK post office. So secret in
fact, that there is not even a single picture of one existing anywhere
on the Internet. I have come to assume that a postal hatch is where
they breed postal workers. You apparently must be born into postal
service in the UK.

And what says Mr. Karavadra, the sub-postmaster?

"I don't want to pay a single penny because I do not see the justice
in that. It is ludicrous."

And what says the Post Office?

"As part of our contract with sub postmasters we stipulate security
standards which must be followed for the safety and security of all."


BBC 21-Jul-06
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/beds/bucks/herts/5203042.stm

*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


Democrat & Chronicle" in Rochester, NY:
CHURCH TO HELP BURN VICTIMS.

--Thanks Rosemarie Eskes


From Fark.com

BOSTON TUNNEL REOPENS TO BUS TRAFFIC. PASSENGERS ADVISED TO WEAR CLEAN
UNDERWEAR
(You, know, mom's always tell their kids to wear clean underwear in
case they get into an accident...)

A TIP FOR THE WOMEN DURING COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON: IF YOUR MAN
MENTIONS LUCIOUS PUSEY, HE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU




*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

In the Evil Parallel Universe, kindness is valued highly.


A woman who's father had died at Christiana Hospital in Wilmington,
Delaware, following a car accident and who was in shock and deep,
albeit dramatic and loud grieving, appreciated the comforting she
received from an ER employee on and off for one hour.

Until, that is, she received a bill from the hospital for $272 to
cover the time the ER employee spent comforting her.

Says the newly grieving Carnevale, "I didn't know these types of
services would have a charge to them. I mean, my God." She said she
didn't sign anything or expect to be charged.

The hospital has since waived the charge.


The News Journal (Delaware) 22-Jul-06
http://www.delawareonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060722/NEWS/607220331\
/1006



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************


From the QT column of the Chicago Sun-Times:

News Headline: "Wisconsin woman welcomes sudden plague of frogs."

News Headline: "Plague of flies hits Pizza Hut."

We can add plagues to the list of things that aren't what they used to
be.





????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
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##########################################

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#########################################





*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************





---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.


***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************

Men: I must exercise to bulk up.

Women: I must exercise to slim down.

--Rosemarie Eskes, USA"




Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************

Our friend is known for doing things like replacing appliances for his
wife on special occasions like birthdays. One Christmas he let us know
what he was getting his wife, so we were there with a camera waiting
to get the look of joy on her face as she opened her gift...a set of
shock absorbers for her car. The look on her face strongly resembled
the look on his face the day he shot his refrigerator while showing us
his pistol wasn't loaded. Fortunately for him he sold the pistol after
the refrigerator incident, which was before the Christmas incident.

--Thomas



HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************


I'm a senior at a public high school, where the average student has
the intellectual capacity of mayonnaise.

Last year, I sat in front of a girl in math who told me frequently
that I was more tan than her, and asked if I "fake-and-bake". I told
her I didn't, and that I had naturally darker skin, being half
Italian. One day a few weeks later, she suddenly turned to me,
completely serious and awestruck, and said, "wow! Your look more tan!
Are you getting more Italian?"

--Alex



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

Last week it was when I was reading about one of the boneheads and I
was on the phone with a friend who was telling me about an illness in
his family. Sure, I should have known better to read and listen at the
same time but I did. It took almost 15 minutes to convince him I
wasn't laughing about what he was telling me.

Today I was reading the Lame excuse when my wife walked in and asked
me how I liked her blouse. Again the timing was wrong. I laughed. I DO
hope she fixes my dinner for me tonight!


Keep up the great work.

JJ (In hot water in Oklahoma)




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=sign


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or
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============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/bonehe.ezine



Want to see the archive?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08082002 213819 154

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
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If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
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Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,474 subscribers!
Plus the 5,917 different people who visited it in June
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited it in July
and the 988 different people who have visited it so far this month or
use the RSS feed.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~



-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're moving on up with 6,472 votes !!!  Number two is at 10,263 on
the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mia culpa.

In a previous mailing I pointed out where a great John Stewart
presentation on Senator Ted Steven's description of the Internet could
be found.  And then I provided the wrong URL.  You can see it at
http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery32.html

Why has it been so long since the last mailing?

It was a slow news week for boneheads.




*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award at least 7 bonehead awards!



Dare To Be Stupid

A Brooklyn, NY, youth who sent an angry letter to the New York City
Police containing a white powder and the taunt "catch me if you can,"
put his return address on the envelope, police said.


1010 WINS (New York City) 4-Aug-06
http://www.1010wins.com/pages/64667.php


-----------------------------------------------

PoleIdiotical Incorrectness

Britain's newest fire station in Plymouth, housing 64 firefighters,
was built without a fireman's pole because safety "experts" said it
was too dangerous for firefighters to slide down the pole. They might
hurt their ankles.

Instead the 64 firefighters will have to run down 2 flights of stairs.
Weren't we always told as children that running down the stairs was
dangerous?

Trevor French, of the Fire Brigades Union, said: "Some feel very
pissed off about it..." He also goes on to say that it takes 5 seconds
to go downstairs by pole and 30 seconds to use the stairs.

Retired local Wendy Brown said: "It's barmy. Can't they just put a
pile of cotton wool at the bottom of the pole?"

The Mirror (UK) 5-Aug-06
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=17517386&method=full&siteid=94762&headl\
ine=pole-fault--name_page.html
or http://tinyurl.com/g6wu9


-----------------------------------------------

Stuffing Happens!

A museum left a Doberman in charge of guarding $900K worth of rare
teddy bears. What could possibly go wrong?

A Doberman pincher, left to guard a collection of rare teddy bears,
including one once owned by Elvis Presley, did what your dog and my
dog would do, it ... well, you know the rest.

"I've spoken to the bear's owner [the one who used to own a bear that
used to be owned by Elvis] and he is not very pleased at all," said
Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells,
England, a museum that used to have a rare teddy bear collection. Not
pleased? You think?

Of course, it's the dog's fault.

"He just went berserk."


Canadian Press 2-Aug-06
http://www.canada.com/topics/entertainment/story.html?id=e125012e-8ce4-40c6-9571\
-5cedf46a7f27&k=94976
or
http://tinyurl.com/gpe7v

------------------------------------------------

Shell Shocking

Headline in The State (SC): SHOOTING REPORTED AT FIRING RANGE

Yeah, sorry, slow news day


------------------------------------------------

Quick! Notify The Fire Chief And ... Um, Nevermind

The chief of Fire District # 4 in Shelton County, Washington, is in
alarming trouble for calling in a false fire emergency as a prank,
reporting smoke coming from somewhere near the assistant chief's
house.

"...crews responded to the call, but the only fire near the assistant
chief's house was a cookout next door. "

"It's not funny because this is the chief of a fire department," said
Rahn Redman, District 4 Fire Commissioner.


KING5 (Seattle, Washington) 2-Aug-06
http://www.king5.com/localnews/stories/NW_080206WABfirechiefprankKC.3285798.html
or
http://tinyurl.com/rlf7n



=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting


Forget quicksand and shark attacks, child-rearing is the truly
terrifying activity.

Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to remove objects
stuck in a child's nose or gum stuck in hair, and how to survive
endless soccer games, slumber parties, and sleep deprivation.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811841553/boneheofthedayaw/102-7563539-8\
500946?creative=0&camp=0&adid=1F503YJAYEV04H95FXM0&link_code=as1
or http://tinyurl.com/oo2q5

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-



The Rise And Fall Of US Media

More from the Associated Press Department Of Made-up News:

* AP Headline - Mon July 24th: Oil prices rise after refinery snags

* AP Headline - Mon July 24th: Oil prices fall as Rice visits Mideast

For the former:

"Oil prices jumped to $75 a barrel on Monday following reports of
several refinery snags that helped push gasoline futures higher."

For the latter:

"Oil prices dropped Monday, reflecting traders growing belief that the
violence in Lebanon and Israel is unlikely to spread across the
oil-producing region. "


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060724/ap_on_bi_ge/oil_prices_13
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060724/ap_on_bi_ge/oil_prices_9


----------------------------------------

The Media Makes Up The News.  Get The Picture?

The made-up news department of Reuters released a photograph showing
the great damage that Israel had done to Beirut.  But eagle-eyed
observers noticed the picture was doctored.  That the same burning
building appears twice in the picture and the smoke swirls are
identical in several sections, something that is physically
impossible.  Reuters now admits the photo was fake.

The Reuters "stupidest excuses in the world department" explains what
went wrong: "... [the photographer] was trying to remove dust marks
and that he made mistakes due to the bad lighting conditions he was
working under."

You can see the picture at http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery33.html


AlterNet 6-Aug-06
http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/L06301298.htm



--------------------------------------

Psychological Emergency

Unfortunately, some people fall somewhere between being smart enough
to dial 911 and dumb enough to dial 911:

* Police in Aachen, Germany, reported that a woman called
   911 for help because her husband was "refusing to
   fulfill his sexual obligations."

* A Salem, Oregon, man, hoping to distract police from
   writing a speeding ticket for his friend, called in
   a fake knife stabbing emergency via 911 while the
   officer was with him, claiming it to be a block
   from their location.

   "I just started laughing because I can tell the guy
    I have in the right front passenger seat is
    making a fake call."

* Mesa, Arizona, 911 dispatchers received a phone call
   from a man complaining that a power outage was causing
   him to miss Jay Leno on television.

* A woman at a Southwest, Florida, airport phoned 911
   for help after missing her flight.

* A Candor, NY, man with an apparent attraction for
   police women, was arrested after calling 911 with
   a fake emergency hoping that they would send a
   "hot looking" female officer.

* A Hillsboro, Oregon, woman who called 911 asking
   that they send back "the cutest cop I've seen in
   God knows how long," was arrested by cutie pie and
   sentenced to two years probation, 100 hours of
   community service, and fined $693.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060803/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_germany_sex;_ylt=AkF5mWa46\
YyyaE.4P0k0EhOs0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3NW1oMDRpBHNlYwM3NTc
or http://tinyurl.com/jsas8

http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_080206_news_fake_call.12c0ba2.html

http://www.phoenix360.com/news/index.asp?did=28556

http://www.winktv.com/x22863.xml

http://www.examiner.com/a-194945%7EPolice_Say_Man_Calls_911_for__Hot_Chick_.html

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060804/ap_on_fe_st/911_love;_ylt=ApIfFoV58IbHFha_3K\
V4xXDtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTA0cDJlYmhvBHNlYwM
or http://tinyurl.com/fh5ox



*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com

CRAZY WOMAN BELIEVES SHE IS MARILYN MONROE REINCARNATED.
  AND HER PSYCHIATRIST BACKS HER UP

TAIWAN COFFEE SHOPS TO START WARNING THAT COFFEE MAY
   CONTAIN CAFFEINE. AND YOU THOUGHT THE WARNING,
  "CAUTION: CONTENTS ARE HOT" WAS STUPID

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY WHEN HAVING
   A TOILET IS A REASON FOR YOUR VILLAGE TO THROW A PARTY

FORD, GM, THINK SATELLITE RADIO IS DOOMED TO FAILURE.
   AND IF ANYONE KNOWS WHAT "DOOMED TO FAILURE"
   LOOKS LIKE, IT'S FORD AND GM

If YOU'RE VISITING FROM OUT OF TOWN AND SOMEONE
   SCHEDULES A "TOUR OF THE CITY" WITH YOU AT 2:25 AM,
   YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE SUSPICIOUS

UNITED AIRLINES DECIDES THAT SINCE THE AC IS BROKEN
   IN A JET AT 100 DEGREES THEY SHOULD JUST CANCEL
   THE FLIGHT. JUST KIDDING. PACK 'EM IN
   AND LET 'EM COOK

MAN CHARGED OVER PHOTOCOPYING HIS GENITALS AND
   LEAVING COPIES ON WOMENS' WINDSHIELDS.
   MEANWHILE, OFFICE STAFF LOOKING FOR BLEACH
   AND SCRUBBING BRUSHES

CAPTAIN PLEADS GUILTY TO OPERATING A CRUISE SHIP
   DRUNK. MEL GIBSON UNAVAILABLE FOR
   ANTI-SEMITIC COMMENT



*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

In the Evil Parallel Universe history can never be repeated.

Most bonehead awards are funny in some sort of way. Sometimes in a
twisted way. Sadly, not this one.

NASA has announced that they have lost the original, and only high
quality recordings in existence, of the historic Apollo 11 moon
landing. All 700 boxes of high quality slow-scan TV tapes are nowhere
to be found. What you've seen on television, the blurry images, are
not even close to the original quality, and these blurry images are
the only images remaining.

"Originally stored at Goddard Space Flight Center, records indicate
the tapes were moved to the U.S. National Archives in 1970. For
reasons unknown, about 700 boxes of the SSTV tapes were returned to
Goddard in 1984. 'We have the documents to say they were withdrawn,
but no one knows exactly where they went.' " All those involved have
since died.

"The magnetic media, however, are subject to deterioration and there
is concern that they could crumble to dust before their information is
saved. Further, the only known device for decoding the original analog
tapes is at a Goddard facility slated for closure in October."

"We are working on the assumption they still exist," said Sarkissian,
a scientist. "Your guess is a good as mine as to where they are."

If found, the tapes will be immediately copied to digital media.


World Net Daily 5-Aug-06
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=51404



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************


Another Use For The Terms, "Innie" and "Outie"

A joint Japanese-American survey has found that Japanese men are more
likely to accumulate fat around their internal organs while Caucasian
American men are more likely to accumulate fat around their waist.

So, it just seems that Japanese men are usually slimmer than Caucasian
American men.

"The finding supports the theory that Japanese are particularly prone
to developing diabetes and other illnesses when they put on weight,
even though many do not outwardly appear to become as fat as Caucasian
Americans, the researchers said. "

The study was conducted by research groups from the Shiga university
and the University of Pittsburgh.

Asahi Shimbun (Japan) 4-Aug-06
http://www.asahi.com/english/Herald-asahi/TKY200608040121.html





????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
You can vote once a day.

????????




##########################################

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top DVDs!
http://tinyurl.com/32nln

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
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#########################################





*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************





---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.


***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************


  "Women sweep, Men Hose."

--B. K. Henrie (pronounced "Henry")"




Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************

My husband bought himself a new tool, wrapped it and labeled it as
being from ME, and put it under the Christmas tree. He always
enthusiastically refers to it as "the wrench you gave me."

I wouldn't mind so much if I'd refused to get him what he wanted - but
I'd asked him and he wouldn't tell me!

-- RE from NYS




HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES


We fondly call going to work "Another day of Stupid Boss Tricks"
because rarely does a day go by without one.

About a year and a half ago, my co-workers sister-in-law died from
cancer in her mid-30's. The supervisor who shall remain nameless, sent
him an e-mail ( ! ) reminding him that the company's bereavement
policy was for three days---and that it was only allowable if his
brother and sister in law had actually been married. Needless to say,
you can imagine what we go thru in an ordinary day with this senseless
individual in charge of our days.....

--Paul



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

Your sense of irony and humor and recognition of the best and worst in
people and what we all do to make our way in the world----is simply
outstanding! I cannot praise your newsletter highly enough!

Love it, love it, love it!

Paula (St. Louis, Missouri)




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
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============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/bonehe.ezine



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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08132002 070936 154

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
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All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
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We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
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RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
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number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
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If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,459 subscribers!
Plus the 5,917 different people who visited it in June
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited it in July
and the 2,911 different people who have visited it so far this month
or use the RSS feed.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~



-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're moving on up with 6,787 votes !!!  Number two is at 10,633 on
the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 9 bonehead awards!



Mother And Son Steal Away

A Madison, Wisconsin, mother drove her 13-year-old son around in a car
looking for a victim to rob because "it was something they could do
together."

"The boy told police he had talked to her [his mother] about
committing robberies, but she discouraged him. Still, he said she
agreed to drive him around to look for a victim. They found a man at a
car wash. She asked him if he really wanted to go through with it. He
said he did, and she told him to be careful."


News Tribune (Duluth, Minnesota) 12-Aug-06
http://www.duluthsuperior.com/mld/duluthsuperior/15260898.htm?template=contentMo\
dules/printstory.jsp
or http://tinyurl.com/zsmm9


------------------------------------------------

Subway Worker Tries Going Underground


A "Stupidest Excuse In The World" bonehead award goes to a North
Platte, Nebraska, man who was video taped stealing $520 at his job at
a Subway sandwich shop and who, when confronted by police, tried to
convince the police that he was an undercover CIA operative and that
the CIA would pay the money back.

The excuse didn't work on the judge either.


North Platte Bulletin 14-Aug-06
http://www.northplattebulletin.com/NorthPlatteBulletin/stories/?deptID=3&pageID=\
3&storyID=10238
or http://tinyurl.com/zyaw6


-----------------------------------------------

Dead Wrong

A German thief who broke into a company to steal a computer and was
surprised by the police figured that if he lay down and played dead
there was a good chance the police would go away, police said.

He came too when they tried the "old tube down the trachea to help
revive him" trick.


Officer.com 1-Aug-06
http://www.officer.com/article/article.jsp?siteSection=1&id=31877

-----------------------------------------------

Radio For Help!

Two robbers in Brazil burst into a radio station, demanding money from
the live on-the-air radio show host during his live on-the-air radio
show, according to the more than 100 people who called the police. The
show closed with a happy ending. The bad guys were arrested.

Radio Nederland 7-Aug-06
at their blog at http://blogs.rnw.nl/medianetwork

Thank you reader, Tony, for sending me this story.

------------------------------------------------

U Fn aO

Paul McKinney and his wife Emma Henfrey of the UK decided to put some
candles in some lanterns and let them fly away powered by the hot air
generated by the candles.

The next day the police were flooded by callers reporting UFO
sightings. The military had to be called in to investigate whether
British air space had been compromised by hostile aliens from other
planets because of all the panic.

"I said to my wife they were UFOs until I could be convinced
otherwise," said local resident, Tin Foil Hatman.


The Metro (UK) 10-Aug-06
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=18337&in_page_id=2




=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting


Forget quicksand and shark attacks, child-rearing is the truly
terrifying activity.

Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to remove objects
stuck in a child's nose or gum stuck in hair, and how to survive
endless soccer games, slumber parties, and sleep deprivation.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811841553/boneheofthedayaw/102-7563539-8\
500946?creative=0&camp=0&adid=1F503YJAYEV04H95FXM0&link_code=as1
or http://tinyurl.com/oo2q5

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-



If You Plan To Commit A Crime And Escape From Jail, Do It In Mobile,
Alabama

A inmate at a court hearing in Mobile, Alabama, who was, according to
the jail warden, wearing a brown prison uniform and handcuffs, walked
passed two court security guards and out the building.

Meanwhile your grandmother who entered the court to pick up a form
will be home late tonight because they haven't finished the full body
cavity scan.

"The court police officer who saw her exit the empty courtroom stated
he knew she was an inmate, but he didn't stop her and she got on the
elevator and went downstairs," said the jail warden.

"How come he didn't stop her?," asked the reporter.

"I don't know...," said the warden.


WPMI (Alabama) 12-Aug-06
http://www.wpmi.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=999C4B7E-B4ED-4629-A4D2-229\
6A20AFE74
or http://tinyurl.com/jdufm


--------------------------------------

Best Performance For A Comedy Goes To The Television Academy

The Television Academy, they that award the "prestigious" Emmy awards,
has had to reveal too much about what happens backstage, when they
announced that Ellen Burstyn had won a nomination for best supporting
actress for a 14-second television movie role consisting of two lines
and 38 words. She won it based on the "popular vote."

"The academy wouldn't discuss this process, but critics say it's clear
that the nominations were little more than a popularity contest and,
based on Burstyn's brief role, voted upon by a number of people who
didn't even see what she did in the movie. "


Canadian News 8-Aug-06
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2006/08/08/1725278-ap.html




--------------------------------------

Man Turns $115 Into $11,000. No, He's Not A Genius

A UK man spent 2 years fighting a $115 speeding ticket in court, a
citation that he clearly deserved, because he was trying to delay his
conviction so some of his previously earned "points" would expire and
so he wouldn't lose his license. He was fined $6,080 by an exasperated
judge because of all the court time and police time he wasted. In
addition his attorney was fined $4,900 for wasting the court's time.
No word on the additional attorney fees he needs to pay.


Manchester Evening News (UK) 7-Aug-06
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/219/219967_cam_row_leads_to_3000_b\
ill.html
or http://tinyurl.com/zv4qe


--------------------------------------

How Many Roads Does It Take Till You Know That Too Many People Don't
Care?

A road crew in Princeton, Wisconsin, needing to detour traffic around
just 8 blocks of road work, posted signs that, instead of directing
traffic down the nearby side streets, which would only take drivers a
few minutes out of their way, posted signs directing drivers to travel
45 miles to detour around the work.

They did this because they didn't want trucks on the side streets.

"Just a sign that says, to Green Lake businesses, turn right," pleaded
Gary Zimmerman, the Golf Courses of Lawsonia. "Truck traffic, turn
left."


WMTV (Madison, Wisconsin) 4-Aug-06
http://nbc15.madison.com/news/headlines/3498256.html


*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com

WHAT'S WORSE THAN GETTING SHOT IN THE GROIN? THE POLICE
  SHOWING UP A FEW MINUTES LATER AND TASERING YOU


"UNDERCOVER BRITISH AGENT" INFILTRATED GROUP PLANNING
   AIRLINE ATTACK. LOOK FOR TOMORROW'S EXCLUSIVE NEW YORK
   TIMES STORY GIVING THE AGENT'S NAME, HIS ADDRESS, AND
   THE BEST TIME TO KIDNAP HIS FAMILY MEMBERS.


MOSQUITOES BLAMED FOR MAKING LIFE IN OHIO MISERABLE.
  MOSQUITOES SAY IT WAS LIKE THAT WHEN THEY GOT THERE.


SO CALLED "EXPERTS" NOW USING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY TO
  PANIC THE WORLD: QUIETER VOLCANO WORRIES EXPERTS


IRANIAN RESEARCHERS CLAIM TO HAVE CLONED A SHEEP.
  SHEEP IS CAPABLE OF CARRYING UP TO A 10 MEGATON WARHEAD


PROFESSOR TIN FOIL HATMAN SAYS "THERE IS NO EVIDENCE
  THAT HIJACKERS BOARDED ANY PLANES ON 9/11"



*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

Not today


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************


WEP ON Of False Security

Do you have a wireless router? Did you decide to secure it from
outsiders by using the 128-bit WEP encryption instead of using WPA
encryption? If you did, you might like to know that there are programs
that will let someone break into your wireless network in 60 seconds.

"So here's the scary part, from the time it started scanning for
wireless networks to the time I was able to crack both wireless
network keys (which is all you need to gain access to the wireless
network), it took right around 60 seconds."

" It doesn't even matter if you setup your wireless network to be
public or not, because kismac [the program he used] can see it even if
the base station isn't showing the SSID publicly. "


http://www.shawnhogan.com/2006/08/how-to-crack-128-bit-wireless-networks.html





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*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************





---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.


***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************


The difference in men and women

Men: Tee time

Women: Tea time

-- Sheila Freeman in Buford GA




Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************

It was our first wedding anniversary. My former mother-in-law (a very
nice woman) handed a card to my former husband and said "Here, I
bought this for you. Give it to your wife, its your anniversary". He
took the card, and without signing it, without reading it, even
without taking it out of the envelope, handed the card to me and said
"Oh. Here" and walked away. That unsigned card was all I got. That was
also our last anniversary.

--Rebecca.




HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES



I am a receptionist and I answer the phone all day. I have a brief
introduction..

"Good Morning, this is the Clark's Companies."

I usually get the following responses:::

a. Is this the Clarks Companies (um yes hence the reason I answer the
phone ::Good Morning the Clarks companies)

b. what number did I dial?? (umm I don't know -- you dialed it)



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

You and your column are refreshingly unique. I look forward each day
to the idiots who commit idiotic idiocies with seeming impunity. Your
column gives focus to my day and reaffirms that humans and their
actions are "curious and curiouser". Thanks for this public service in
the disclosure of the infinite silliness and stupidity of many of our
fellow "human" beings. Once again, keep up the good work that confirms
that nothing is as strange as life itself and the beings that inhabit
it - however fitfully, tragically, comically, or otherwise.

Timothy (Ottawa, Canada)




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08142002 010906 154

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
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*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 8 bonehead awards!



I Love That Dirty Water!


When some nut case tells you that he drank from a creek containing
unpurified waste water and it tasted sweet and cured his cold, do you:

    1. Convince him to see a doctor right away?

    2. Make sure nobody else drinks the water? or

    3. Run down to the water along with thousands
       of other nut cases and drink as much as you
       can of the water believing it has to be a
       miracle cure for everything?

Thousands of people in India have exposed themselves and their
families to health problems when they ran down to a creek containing
unpurified waste water believing that, because the water tastes sweet,
it had been blessed by a God and will cure all that ails them.

"About 5,000 people gathered at the creek in India's biggest city of
Mumbai overnight, and many of them were seen drinking the dirty water
with their palms... Some people carried seawater away in bottles and
plastic bags, saying they were going to share it with their families.
Children as well as adults bathed in the murky water in which garbage
and plastic were seen floating. "

Khaleej Times (Dubai) 19-Aug-06
http://www.khaleejtimes.ae/DisplayArticleNew.asp?xfile=data/subcontinent/2006/Au\
gust/subcontinent_August735.xml&section=subcontinent
or http://tinyurl.com/rur7o


------------------------------------------------

The Magic Of Madonna


Noted physicist, Madonna, has been trying to convince the UK
government to use a magical water to clean up radioactive waste based
on research done by somebody at a Kabbalah center in, where else,
California, which was set up by a notable scholar in nuclear studies,
some insurance salesman. The "researcher" at this center is described
as having "a brain the size of a planet," referring no doubt to one of
the gas giants in the outer solar system. Most likely Uranus.

In describing Madonna's phone call to the government, one official
said, "It was like a crank call ... the scientific mechanisms and
principles were just bollocks, basically."

Madonna says her woo woo isn't being taken seriously because of
bureaucracy.

Let's hope other countries, like North Korea, take this notable
research more seriously than Western countries and incorporate its
principles into their nuclear programs.


The Australian 21-Aug-06
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,20192378-29677,00.html

The Manchester Evening News 20-Aug-06
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/221/221161_madonna_touts_nuclear_c\
leanup_option.html
or http://tinyurl.com/rjt53


-----------------------------------------------

Meet The Gullibility Party Candidate

Noted medical genius Rep. Benjamin L. Cardin of Maryland, running for
the Senate, is promising that, if elected, he'll cure cancer by 2015.
Still no cure for science suffering from an infection of politics.

Al Gore, inventor of the Internet, was unavailable for comment.


The Baltimore Sun 15-Aug-06
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/politics/bal-md.senate15aug15,0,7797933.s\
tory?coll=bal-mdpolitics-headlines
or http://tinyurl.com/rzrtu


-----------------------------------------------

Burglars Are A Lost Cause

If you're going to spend weeks chipping through 9 inches of a
reinforced concrete roof to gain entry to a jewelry store, make sure
you are really above the jewelry store and not above a newsagency
three stores down.

The bungling burglars left the newsagency store, taking nothing. Not
even their pride.


Leicestershire Mercury (UK) 19-Aug-06
http://www.thisisleicestershire.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=132935&command=disp\
layContent&sourceNode=132702&contentPK=15195232&folderPk=77465&pNodeId=132393
or http://tinyurl.com/fz396




=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting


Forget quicksand and shark attacks, child-rearing is the truly
terrifying activity.

Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to remove objects
stuck in a child's nose or gum stuck in hair, and how to survive
endless soccer games, slumber parties, and sleep deprivation.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811841553/boneheofthedayaw/102-7563539-8\
500946?creative=0&camp=0&adid=1F503YJAYEV04H95FXM0&link_code=as1
or http://tinyurl.com/oo2q5

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


101 Uses For A Laid Off Employee


When laying off some of your employees, to help them through their job
loss, do you:

    1. Show compassion and understanding for their new financial woes?

    2. Help them overcome their plight with dignity intact? or

    3. Tell them to look through dumpsters to find free items
       since they are now unemployed bums?

Bankrupt Northwest Airlines handed out booklets to axed employees with
a section entitled "101 ways to save money," which among other things,
advises them to go dumpster diving, "pull something you like out of
the trash."

Northwest spokesman Roman Blahoski said some employees who received
the handbook had taken issue with a couple of the items. "We agree
that some of these suggestions and tips ... were a bit insensitive"


Houston Chronicle (Houston, Texas) 15-Aug-06
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/bizarre/4119078.html


--------------------------------------

Signs Of Bladder Disease


A road sign in Wales warns bikers in English to "dismount" but warns
Welsh speaking bikers that "bladder disease has returned."

The government always liked the Welsh people best.

See it at http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery35.html




--------------------------------------

Not All Hot Air Will Kill A Virus


If a lab creates 4,400 software viruses to test antivirus software and
your product is found to be mediocre, do your marketing geniuses:

    1. Promise that the next time you'll be the
       best in the test,

    2. Comment on technical issues that may have
       made your product seem inferior relative to
       competitors so as to assure your customers, or

    3. Ignore completely the findings that everyone
       really cares about and instead complain about
       how immoral the lab is for creating viruses
       because you somehow believe your customers will
       no longer be concerned about your ranking if
       you can make them angry at the lab?

Consumer Reports created 4,400 viruses so they could test the
effectiveness of antivirus software against new threats. How else
could they test this? Do you have a problem with this?

Some products did very well. McAfee didn't do as well as some less
expensive brands. It was somewhere in the middle of the pack. Bit
Defender and Zone Labs scored at the top for their ability to detect
new never-before-seen viruses.

Ignore That Lab Behind The Research Curtain

The only comments from McAfee representatives throughout the article
is how evil Consumer Reports is for creating new viruses by using the
same methods that malicious virus creators use and you should
therefore hate Consumer Reports because these viruses will somehow
leak from their lab and get you and so because you hate them you won't
care what they found.

Well, you know, if they are really concerned that somehow these 4,400
viruses will leak from the lab, then haven't they just given us the
most compelling reason for buying the antivirus software products that
topped the list instead of their product? After all you do want the
software that's going to protect you the most reliably from these
particular 4,400 viruses. Good going McAfee.


MSNBC 17-Aug-06
http://redtape.msnbc.com/2006/08/consumer_report.html


--------------------------------------

There Are No Habitual Criminals In Lincoln, Nebraska


Honestly, there are no habitual criminals in Lincoln, Nebraska,
apparently. It seems this designation just doesn't exist as far as the
legal system is concerned.

Kevin Holder has just been arrested for the 226th time. This time for
burglary. His record is 43 pages long and began in 1980.

It's even worse than you think.

There are 39 other people in Lincoln who have been arrested even more
times than he has. Holder is an amateur compared with deceased Edward
Rooks who had been arrested 652 times. There are only 226,000 people
in Lincoln and the police say there are a number of people who have
been arrested more than 500 times. What? Do they rob from each other?

I once lived in Lincoln, Nebraska. But was never arrested. Never did
anything I should be arrested for. Ironically the state motto is "The
Good Life." But they were apparently speaking for people like Kevin
Holder.


ABC News 15-Aug-06
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2317719



*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com

HEZBOLLAH ROCKETS NO MATCH FOR THE POWER OF ISRAELI BREAST IMPLANTS

   -- A woman's breast implants stopped shrapnel from
      a Hezbollah rocket from killing her



IF YOU STOLE THE PAINTING OF JESUS FROM BRIDGEPORT HIGH, THE ACLU
WOULD LIKE YOU TO RETURN IT SO THEIR LAWSUIT HAS A POINT


IT'S A LOT HARDER TO GET THE POLICE TO BUY INTO 'SOMEONE STOLE MY
MAGIC SWORD'
   -- An online gamer claimed someone hacked his account
      and stole his magic sword


TO MAKE FLYING SAFER, THE TSA WILL BE WATCHING FOR 'SUSPICIOUS
BEHAVIOR' LIKE HAVING AN EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE. SUGGEST WEARING A
SKI MASK TO MOVE THROUGH THE LINE QUICKER

IF YOU DRIVE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK AND EAT MOST OF THE ICE CREAM AND
SPEND ALL THE MONEY YOU MADE, DON'T TELL THE COPS YOU WERE 'VERY
CALMLY' ROBBED AND MADE TO DRIVE AROUND AIMLESSLY FOR A HALF HOUR

HOUSTON AIRPORTS TO START SCREENING FOR BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS. WE'RE NOW
SAFE FROM 12-YEAR-OLD BOYS

TEEN CRIME SPREE ENDS ABRUPTLY WHEN ONE OF THE TEENAGERS TRIES
SPINNING A LOADED GUN ON HIS FINGER

ACTUAL HEADLINE: BODY-PART HARVESTING COMPANY MUST CLOSE. IN OTHER
NEWS, THERE ARE BODY-PART HARVESTING COMPANIES IN NORTH CAROLINA ...
AND VERY FEW VAGRANTS

RESEARCHERS FIND THAT SYRINGES DECORATED WITH BUTTERFLIES AND FLOWERS
MAY CALM PATIENTS WHO ARE SCARED OF NEEDLES. IN OTHER NEWS, NUMBER OF
PEOPLE AFRAID OF BUTTERFLIES AND FLOWERS SKYROCKETS

WOMEN WITH BREAST IMPLANTS LESS LIKELY TO HAVE CANCER, HEART DISEASE
AND EYE CONTACT

TODAY'S FRIENDLY REMINDER TO USE THE "REPLY-TO-ALL" BUTTON RESPONSIBLY
BROUGHT TO YOU BY TWO WOMEN AT THE GERMAN FEDERAL LABOR OFFICE
COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW THEY TRY BUT FAIL TO AROUSE THEIR PARTNERS

  -- "...forwarded to thousands throughout the Labor Office
        and other government agencies and widely distributed
        by recipients to people across Germany."




*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

Not today


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************


Become the center of attention in the laundry room!  Just watch this
quick video and learn.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery34.html






????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
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##########################################

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Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
http://tinyurl.com/ywukl


#########################################





*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************

From The Borowitz Report (http://www.borowitzreport.com):


Days after the Federal Aviation Administration issued a ban on
passengers bringing liquids on board flights in their carryon luggage,
actor Mel Gibson came forward to vehemently protest the FAA's new
restrictions.


Elsewhere, former FEMA chief Michael Brown said he would mark the
anniversary of Hurricane Katrina by returning his calls from a year
ago.


Elsewhere, President Bush said he was "not surprised" by federal judge
Anna Diggs Taylor's decision to declare his practice of warrantless
wiretaps unconstitutional, telling reporters, "I heard her talking to
her husband about it last week."




---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.


***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************


"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base."

-- Dave Barry



Too bad I can't take credit for this one. Keep up the good work.
Regards,

---John in Portland




Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************

I have thought of some of the very best gifts my father gave. He never
really bought gifts much, and a card was out of the question.

As usual, he had a habit of getting my mom tools for Mothers Day. So
she had enough of it. He got her a Jigsaw that he had been wanting.
She kept it. Would not let him use it. If he needed it, he had to have
my sister or myself go to Mom, beg and promise that Dad would not
touch her saw.

So we would use the thing, and she would check on us to make sure he
didn't have his hands on her saw. We went threw a lot of boards that
year.

--Tonya




HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES



I work in a busy hospital Emergency Dept. One of my coworkers told me
she Faxed a report to a doctor's office. She told me she got a call
from a woman at another doctor's office, saying they had received the
report by mistake. My coworker thanked her and asked her to go ahead
and destroy the Fax. The woman on the other end kept asking if she
didn't want her to Fax it back to us, so we could send it to the right
doctor's office! She became quite annoyed when my friend tried to
explain that we didn't need her to do that---we had the original.

Apparently she's been watching too much Star Trek. Beam me up, Scotty!
The Fax machines are transporting the original documents now.

--Dennis in Illinois



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

I have to say the Boneheads is the funniest thing I read each day. I
can't believe how many "boneheads" there are. I love the men who can't
give gifts - there are worse ones than my X! also love the law
enforcement and medical nut! We all need a good laugh to start our
day!!!! keep up the good work!

AJ




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=sign


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============================================================



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There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08152002 082101 153

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
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RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
new content is available so you don't have to be checking every day.

If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
interesting alternative for you.

Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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To join send a blank message to
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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,462 subscribers!
Plus the 5,917 different people who visited it in June
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited it in July
and the 5,445 different people who have visited it so far this month
or use the RSS feed.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~





GAMES!!!  Have Some Fun!!! Free Games!!!
This website has bunches and bunches of
free games!! |
              |
              V

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

AWFULGAMES ... AWFULGAMES ... AWFULGAMES

(Actually, the games are pretty fun...
    and they're FREE!)

Stickman Sam 4 -- Guts, guns, and grenades help Sam
    on his mission
      http://www.awfulgames.com/games/stickmansam4

Blade of Innocence -- Defend your castle and destroy
   the enemy
     http://www.awfulgames.com/games/bladeofinnocence

Squares 2 -- Grab all the black squares... but don't
   touch the red ones!
     http://www.awfulgames.com/games/squares2

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 7,336 votes !!!  Number two is at 11,176
on the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Sorry for the sparse mailings but August is always a slow time for fun
news stories.





*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 6 bonehead awards!



Even With A Clue They Haven't Got A Clue

An "operating without a clue" bonehead award goes to the Baltimore,
Maryland, police who, upon hearing that a gray Cadillac Eldorado was
reported stolen, pulled over the driver of a red Cadillac Eldorado,
dragged him from the car, arrested him and threw him in jail. They
never apparently bothered to check whether he was driving his own car.

Bonus: While he was wasting in jail, the police sold his car.

Why we need lawyers.

He's suing. We wish him all the luck in the world.


The Examiner (Boston) 21-Aug-06
http://www.examiner.com/a-233248%7EMan_says_his_car_sold_by_police_after_false_a\
rrest_for_car_theft.html
or http://tinyurl.com/mnz39


------------------------------------------------

Should Have Stopped After Shooting His Mouth Off

Watch this police officer shoot himself in the foot during a gun
safety demonstration, after boasting that he's the only one in the
room professional enough to handle that particular gun. Then watch the
room full of people panic when he wants to begin showing off an
assault rifle.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery36.html



-----------------------------------------------

Sign Of Incompetence

Look at this sign on Pennsylvania route 222 near the Lancaster-Berks
County line.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery37.html



-----------------------------------------------


For Those With A Burning Look In Their Eyes To Start A Lawsuit

A bonehead award goes to all those people dumb enough to take an
extremely hot electric hair curling iron and press it up against their
eyes to curl their eyelashes, somehow believing that their eyes can't
get burned, and who therefore made it necessary for the manufacturer
of one such device, Conair, to include the following bonehead warning
with their product:

Caution: This product can burn eyes



Thank you reader Kipp Gilmore-Clough for sending this to me.





=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif


=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-



Screws Himself

A 29-year-old man was too embarrassed to admit to airport security at
Chicago's O'Hare airport, because he was standing next to his mother,
that the strange grenade shaped device found in his luggage was part
of a penis pump. He decided instead to tell security, twice, when they
asked, that the device was a bomb. Somehow this would make his mother
proud.

The climax for him might be three years in prison.

We hope they go easy on him. He's been punished enough. After all the
entire world now knows that Mardin Azad Amin of Chicago uses a p*enis
pump.

In other news, security guards at Chicago's O'Hare International
airport were seen frantically looking through discarded bottles of
confiscated liquid in hopes of finding some bleach.


United Press International 23-Aug-06
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20060823-013112-8466r



--------------------------------------

It's Their Way

A 16-year-old boy, after being hit by a car while riding his bicycle,
limped into the nearby Burger King, to get some ice to put onto his
injuries.

Fat chance.

He was told he couldn't have a cup of ice unless he paid $1.05 for it.
He didn't have the money. Someone else had to pay for it.

Neither the local store nor Burger King corporate will return phone
calls to his mother nor the newspaper.


Daily News Tribune (Waltham, MA) 23-Aug-06
http://www2.townonline.com/newton/localRegional/view.bg?articleid=560579




*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com

     IF YOU TAKE FLOMAX FOR YOUR PROSTATE, YOU MAY
       DEVELOP "FLOPPY IRIS SYNDROME" AND
       V*IAGRA WON'T FIX IT

     CLASSIC CARTOONS ARE FULL OF RACISM, SEXISM,
       VIOLENCE, CRIME AND AN OCCASIONAL SMOKING
       GAG. GUESS WHICH ONE TURNER BROADCASTING
       IS GOING TO CENSOR?

     PETA ACTIVISTS WHO CHANGED THEIR NAMES TO
      GOVEG.COM AND KentuckyFriedCruelty.com CHANGE
      BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL GIVEN NAMES OF
      KARIN DUMBASS AND CHRISTOPHER WHACKJOB



*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

In The Evil Parallel Universe People Who Steal Your House Can Keep It

In Ontario, Canada, anyone can sell your house and keep the money. And
you? You simply no longer have a house. That's the end of the story.

89-year old Paul Reviczky owned a rental property which he bought in
1980 for $67,500, the income from which he used to help his family in
Hungary. One morning he woke up to learn that someone faked his
signature and sold the property for $450,000 and under Ontario law, it
belongs to the person who bought it.

"Reviczky could not believe his ears on June 26 when his neighbour, a
real estate agent, told him she had noticed on the computer that he
had sold his rental property in May. 'So I went back to my office, got
the record from the computer and showed it to him,' Vivian Ho told the
Toronto Star. 'His face turned red and I was worried that he was going
to have a heart attack.'

"Reviczky's lawyer, Tonu Toome, says it was "very painful" to have to
break the news to Reviczky that he may lose his house forever - even
though he was an innocent victim of fraud - because Ontario law
recognizes the transaction as valid where the purchaser is unaware of
the scam. "

"Susan Lawrence is a North York widow who faces the loss of the
100-year-old Victorian home she had lived in for 30 years - after
criminals used publicly available information to sell her house
without her knowledge and put a $300,000 mortgage on it."

" Elizabeth Shepherd, an actress, lost her furnished Leslieville home
to identity thieves, who rented the home and sold it to an accomplice
after creating a false Elizabeth Shepherd. The accomplice took out a
$250,000 mortgage, defaulted and disappeared."


The Toronto Star 26-Aug-06
http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_T\
ype1&c=Article&cid=1156542610726&call_pageid=968332188774&col=968350116467
or http://tinyurl.com/g5qyr


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************


My Lord. Don't Mess With The Spanish Police!

Here's what happens to hostage takers in Spain:

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery38.html







????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
You can vote once a day.

????????




##########################################

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top DVDs!
http://tinyurl.com/32nln

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
http://tinyurl.com/ywukl


#########################################





*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************

From The Borowitz Report (http://www.borowitzreport.com):


Embattled actors Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson served notice to the
entertainment industry that they intend to keep marching to the beat
of a different drum by announcing today that they will build the first
movie studio on the moon.

But in a press conference at Cape Canaveral today, the two actors
denied that the state of their earthly careers had caused them to
shift their attention moonward, with Mr. Gibson telling reporters,
"The great thing about the moon is that it isn't controlled by one
specific group of people, if you know what I mean."

When a reporter noted that the moon has no people at all, Mr. Cruise
became argumentative: "Who told you that? Psychiatrists? Brooke
Shields? That is such a load of crap!"



---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.


***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************


  Dictionary for the difference between men & women

     * THINGY (thing-ee) n.
       Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
       Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

     * VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
       Female.... Fully opening up one's self
         emotionally to another.
       Male.... Playing football without a cup.

     * COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
       Female... The open sharing of thoughts and
         feelings with one's partner.
       Male... Leaving a note before taking off on
         a fishing trip with the boys.

     * COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
       Female.... A desire to get married and
          raise a family.
       Male...... Trying not to hit on other
          women while out with this one.

     * ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
       Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
       Male...... Anything that can be done while
          drinking beer.

     * FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
       Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of
          indigestion.
       Male...... A source of entertainment,
          self-expression, male bonding.

     * MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
       Female...... The greatest expression of
          intimacy a couple can achieve.
       Male.. Call it whatever you want,
          just as long as we do it.

     * REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
       Female.... A device for changing from
           one TV channel to another.
       Male... A device for scanning through
           all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

- Ruth




Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


He gave Mom a propane fish fryer the next year. But, no propane for
it. To make it worse, he was a propane delivery driver.

--Tonya




HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES



Several years ago I was putting in for a shop pension. I had moved
from a northern mid-western state to the southwest.

The company I was applying to was based in New Jersey of all places. I
could not get them to change my old address to my current one. I had
made repeated calls to the company, and was getting more frustrated by
the day.

One morning quite early, I received a phone call from a young woman.
She said she was calling to get my phone number (?). I pointed out
that she obviously already had my phone number or she wouldn't have
been able to call me. She sounded quite miffed when she replied,"Well,
I only do as I am told". I gave her the number, and kind of began to
understand why I was having trouble with my address. I eventually got
it straightened out.

--Jack L. Huber



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

I have become addicted to bonehead awards. I have so much stress to
deal with that humor is the only thing that keeps me sane. My
coworkers are beginning to look forward to my forwards to keep THEM
sane. You see, we have lots of potential bonehead awards in our area.
This is cheaper than a psychiatrist.

Jill Dial (Geneseo, Illinois)




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=sign


You can READ entries in the guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=view


============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/bonehe.ezine



Want to see the archive?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08152002 082101 153

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
new content is available so you don't have to be checking every day.

If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
interesting alternative for you.

Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subscription Info
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are the magic E-mail addresses to manage your subscription:

To join send a blank message to
BoneheadOfTheDayAward-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit our web site
at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com

To unsubscribe send a blank message to
BoneheadOfTheDayAward-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com You must send the
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Put your E-mail on hold (vacation mode) send a blank message to
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Take your E-mail off hold send a blank message to
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Want to change your address?

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Otherwise follow the directions to get one.  Once you sign in, you
should be able to change you address associated with all your
yahoogroups mailings.

Want to advertise? Check out the information on our web site at
http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2180827,00.html

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,450 subscribers!
Plus the 5,917 different people who visited it in June
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited it in July
and the 6,595 different people who have visited it so far this month
or use the RSS feed.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif


=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 7,540 votes !!!  Number two is at 11,300
on the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 5 bonehead awards!



Bed Time Stories

A "Justice is Blind, But Only Because It Has Its Head Up Its Butt,"
bonehead award goes to the New Jersey jury which awarded a 21-year-old
college student $179,000 because he fell out of bed and hurt himself
saying the bed company was solely responsible for the injuries because
they didn't put a sign on the bed warning that falling out of bed is
dangerous, especially if the bed is in a loft 6 feet off the ground.

I'm not making this up.

But justice prevails ... this time, anyway. A New Jersey state appeals
court threw out the verdict writing that a "reasonably prudent person"
wouldn't see a need to "warn users of beds sold for use by college
students about the obvious and generally known risks," such as falling
off.


Star-Telegram (Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas) 26-Aug-06
http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/news/opinion/15368499.htm


------------------------------------------------

Bank Failure


A "Too Dumb To Be A Criminal," bonehead award goes to a bumbling bank
robber in California who:

     * Entered the bank wearing a Ronald Regan
        mask which fell in front of his eyes
        blocking his sight,

     * Wore a cape that got caught up in his
       gun causing him to drop it,

     * Parked his getaway car in a service
       alley which he discovered had been
       blocked off by delivery trucks when
       he left the bank.

Then the fun began.

"Desperate to run, the robber peeled off the mask and rammed the
vehicle against the delivery trucks to get away, ticking off one of
the delivery truck drivers who started to argue with him, McKinney
said. "He started ramming the trucks back and forth, back and forth,"
McKinney said. "This guy is an idiot. He was calling more attention to
himself." The robber was able to force his way out of the parking spot
and drove eastbound on Crawford Street. That's when the dye bomb
hidden in the money exploded."

"Police said the money stolen from the bank was still missing but the
dye most likely ruined all of it."


San Diego Tribune 29-Aug-06
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/metro/20060829-1437-bn29bankrob2.html
or http://tinyurl.com/zq5wq


-----------------------------------------------

Becoming Old News


While a man with hollowed out heels and bomb making equipment was
recently allowed to pass through airport security, elderly, frail and
diabetic 87-year-old great grandmother Hetwig Stohmeier was far less
lucky when airport security in Ontario, Canada, took away her heart
pills which she is required to take every 4 hours, leaving her without
it during her 12 hour flight.

There now. Don't you feel much safer?


Canadian Press 28-Aug-06
http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_T\
ype1&c=Article&cid=1156716608869&call_pageid=968256289824&col=968342212737
or http://tinyurl.com/fqal3




=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting


Forget quicksand and shark attacks, child-rearing is the truly
terrifying activity.

Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to remove objects
stuck in a child's nose or gum stuck in hair, and how to survive
endless soccer games, slumber parties, and sleep deprivation.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0811841553/boneheofthedayaw/102-7563539-8\
500946?creative=0&camp=0&adid=1F503YJAYEV04H95FXM0&link_code=as1
or http://tinyurl.com/oo2q5

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-



Media By Ass


Not content with just doctoring photos to get us to buy into personal
agendas of the editors, Reuters, knowing that most people skim
headlines to get their news, are now into creating headlines that
speak the opposite of their own news stories.

Reuters article excerpts:

     * "The economy grew at a faster clip in the second quarter and
inflation was slower than originally reported"

     * "The U.S. economy grew at a 2.9 percent annual pace in the
second quarter, faster than the 2.5 percent rate initially reported
but marginally below what analysts were expecting,"

And your reaction might be the same as mine. Pretty good news for the
US. But if pretty good news for the US is not what you want to tell
people, you create the following headline::

GDP Growth revised up less than expected

Reuters 30-Aug-06
http://today.reuters.com/news/articlebusiness.aspx?type=ousiv&storyID=2006-08-30\
T164055Z_01_N29445586_RTRIDST_0_BUSINESSPRO-ECONOMY-GDP-DC.XML&from=business
or http://tinyurl.com/ofz8a


--------------------------------------

"It Will Take A Bigger Ass Than Me," says South Africa's Minister of
Safety and Security


South Africa's murder rate is the second highest in the world
(Columbia is worse), and we won't even get into the rape statistics in
that country.

Part of the problem is the incredibly underfunded South African police
department which, because of lack of cars, cannot arrive at a crime
scene in any reasonable time.

So the police complained. So what advice has Charles Nqakula, South
Africa's Minister of Safety and Security for the South African police
force?

"If you don't have a car, ride a bicycle or a donkey." Sounds like
they can stay on his back about this.

South Africa is hosting the 2010 World Cup. I hope they can breed
enough donkeys by then.

The Times (UK) 30-Aug-06
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-2334225,00.html


*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


From Fark.com


       Good News: The Supreme Court rules
       you can watch porn at work, the
       Bad News, it's the Spanish Supreme
       Court

       Apparently, it's not OK to take
       pictures of corpses and send them
       to your friends if you are an
       ambulance driver

       Middle School evacuated because of
      "gas odor" from bathrooms. That kid
       is NEVER going to live this down

       Rush Limbaugh takes personal
       responsibility for being overweight.
       Just kidding, he blames liberals
       [he really did]

       FOX News prime time ratings fall 28%
       in August as viewers switch to CNN
       hoping for more live bathroom feeds

        --CNN anchor Kyra Phillips had her
          microphone on while she was
          in the bathroom during President
          Bush's New Orleans speech.




*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************


It's Now A Crime To Be Given A Bad Check

In the Evil Parallel Universe, if someone gives you a bad check,
you're the one who goes to jail.

If I told you that some guy went to jail because he sold something
online and the check he received was bad and he ended up being
arrested for trying to deposit it and he had to pay $14,000 in legal
fees to clear up his name, you'd think I was crazy.

Well, it's not me who's crazy. It's Bank of America.

Matthew Shinnick of California sold two mountain bikes online. One
purchaser sent him a $2,000 Bank Of America check.

When he tried depositing what turned out to be a forged check, the
teller called the police. Shinnick was hauled off and thrown in jail.

Bonus: He can't sue Bank of America for his legal fees because the
California Supreme Court ruled that institutions can't be sued for
reporting a suspected crime.

Sadly, this isn't your father's United States anymore.

United Press International
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20060830-020853-3397r


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************


Niple Exposed


From the QT column in the Chicago Sun-Times:

News Item: Ohio rules that a vanity license plate with NWTF on it, for
"Northwood Tree Farm," is potentially obscene because it could stand
for "Now What the ----."

The owner of the license, Pat Niple, says she will appeal the ruling.

Good luck to her. But she might as well just put her own name on the
plate and move on.








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*******************************************
*** READERS PROVIDE GREATER PERSPECTIVE ***
*******************************************

Regarding the story of the man caught with a p*enis pump at the
airport who was arrested for allegedly saying it was a bomb.  I think
the bonehead award needs to be instead assigned to airport security.
He was saying "pump" but his accent was misinterpreted by over eager
airport security who wanted to hear "bomb."  He's been acquitted.

A thank you to readers who sent in their comments on the story that
got me looking in a different direction.




*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************

From The Borowitz Report (http://www.borowitzreport.com):


In the latest ominous sign for the film career of actor Tom Cruise, a
large video piracy ring based in Beijing said today that they will no
longer sell illegal copies of the star's films, calling Mr. Cruise's
recent behavior "unacceptable."

Elsewhere, NASA cancelled the launch of the space shuttle Atlantis
after two of the astronauts attempted to carry liquids on board.



---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------

***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************


In a grocery store a woman checker will pick up a loaf of bread by the
end and tie. A man will grab it in the middle and squeeze! I called
this to my hubby's attention and it is almost always true. Every time
it happens, we look at each other and grin.

---Kas Quimby




Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


Several years later, I was graduating from High School. My Mom calls
me in the house, tells me to sit down, we need to talk. This is very
serious, I thought something was really wrong. She explains that she
is afraid that my Father was getting my graduation gift, and he would
not tell her what it was. She explained all this to me because she
found out that he had ordered (hope) from the Robert Lee (TX) Hardware
store (OMG). That if it was bad as his track record had been over the
years, don't really expect much. And most importantly, this is part of
being an adult, and a good wife, learn to accept gifts from men, cause
you can return them later, just look good while opening the box.

Several weeks pass, and then one day. Dad comes home from work, he is
all happy and excited, but he won't say why. During dinner, he
presents me with a brown paper bag that has seen better days, and
announces that he had them wrap it for him. I remembering what Mom had
said, just open it and act like you really did want it. While everyone
else in my class got cars, trips, cloths. I, well, I got a gun.

At least I still have my graduation gift, because I know that my old
classmates don't have theirs. Mom just knew that he was going to give
me a belt sander. She got it for her birthday a few months later.

--Tonya




HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES


I work at the information desk of a large hospital. Visitors for
patients must get a pass before security will let them in to see the
patient. Legally, we cannot give out passes just by the room number.
The visitor must state the patient's name and we must look up the room
number on the computer before issuing the pass. You would not believe
how many times people come to visit someone and don't know the
patient's name - even when its a family member! "Its my grandmother, I
don't know her name."

Yesterday I had several sisters come in together to visit their sister
who had just had a baby. Of course, they didn't know her last name,
even though she had been married to her husband for 6 years!




--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

Boy I'm sure my class instructor turned me on to this awesome site. I
really can't believe there are such boneheads out there. I mean I'm
not perfect but I do have SOME common sense. You are doing a great
job. Keep em' coming.


Bob Richards (Huntington, West Virginia)




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*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 9 bonehead awards!



Electric Dense


It must be sad to learn that you're not as smart as a cow.

Watch this television news reporter who, after doing an entire segment
about a 6,000 volt electrified fence and how it deters thieves, and
who, despite signs posted every few feet warning about the danger of
the fence, in the end apparently just doesn't get it. Watch him walk
over to play with the fence. Very shocking behavior.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery39.html


------------------------------------------------

Suing For A Song


In our litigious society, people will sue for a song. Literally.

Some passengers on a flight from France to Mauritius have filed a
lawsuit against Air France claiming that they became "traumatized" and
"feared for their safety" when musician Bonnie Tyler sang "Total
Eclipse Of The Heart" to the retiring copilot.

Air France calls the suit "nonsense" and "completely rejects the
claims that the passengers were at any sort of risk."


United Press International 3-Sep-06
http://upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20060903-115408-7985r

-----------------------------------------------

Blind Man Pleads Not Guilty To Dangerous Driving


A totally blind Iraqi man who lost both eyes in a bomb blast pleaded
"not guilty" to charges of dangerous driving when the police spotted
him driving 35 MPH. A passenger was telling him how to steer.

In court his brilliant attorney told him to plead "not guilty"
because, he argued, "The question is not whether his driving was
dangerous, but whether being blind makes it dangerous." Whatever this
means.

He was found guilty and will be sentenced next week.


The Mirror (UK) 4-Sep-05
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/tm_objectid=17682036&method=full&siteid=\
94762&headline=blind-man-pleads-not-guilty-to-dangerous-driving-name_page.html
or http://www.smallerurl.com/?id=pdksc81


--------------------------------------------

Fast Car, Slow Driver


A man who has been waiting 6 years for his Fiat to be repaired finally
decides "enough is enough."

Sounds like something from The Onion.

Yes, patience is a virtue ... for most people. For others it's a
Bonehead Award.

Jose Orono of Argentina, who has had his Fiat at the service station
now for 6 years, has suddenly realized that despite not having his car
all this time, that he's been taken for a ride.

"He [service station guy] kept making up excuses, one time he said his
aunt had died and the other that his shop had been broken into."

No wheels in his garage ... and no wheels upstairs.


Ananova (UK) 29-Aug-06
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1972973.html

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The Arizona Wind Blows Hot


If one of your major campaign efforts and promises as you run for
governor is to lead the effort in the state in promoting abstinence
and it's learned that your first child was conceived out of wedlock
and that you therefore now look like a schmuck, do you:

    1. Explain to the electorate that you feel you made a terrible
mistake in the past and you are now trying to teach better values?,
or,

    2. Carry on about how "despicable" it is for someone to make such
pertinent information publicly known and then put all your energy into
changing the state laws so as to make it difficult in the future for
people to report anything negative about you?

Arizona Gubernatorial candidate, Len Munsil, had led a group promoting
abstinence and has been forced to acknowledge that he and his wife
conceived their oldest son shortly before the couple married 20 years
ago. He wants state laws changed so as to require that anyone
disclosing damaging, albeit true, information about a candidate must
identify themselves so they can be targeted, apparently, for revenge
and harassment. In this way he believes people will withhold any
negative information about him in the future.


KTAR (Phoenix, Arizona) 2-Sep-06
http://www.ktar.com/?nid=6&sid=217020


--------------------------------------

You Reap What You Sew, Legal Dudes!


A law student who flunked out of law school his first year because his
grade point average was below acceptable limits has accepted personal
responsibility and through deep personal introspection realizes that
his purpose in life will be fulfilled elsewhere. Just kidding. He's
suing everyone in sight including the law school, the dean, the school
administrators and even the American Bar Association in a class
action. He's also claiming that expelling him is a violation of the
Federal anti-racketeering laws.

Yes, he's made this into a Federal case. And don't you just love it?

And in what may be the best evidence the school has against this
student is his claim that the school knew he was too incompetent to
become an attorney and so they should never have accepted him into the
school. He says they did so only as an opportunity to get a years
tuition from him, full well knowing they would dump him before he took
the bar exam because his results would only lead to embarrassment for
the school.

Sounds like the legal premise for his suit that he's too dumb to be an
attorney is a signal that he needs to find a better attorney. Maybe
one who didn't flunk out of law school.


Law.com 1-Sep-06
http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1157030383798

--------------------------------------

Boy, Is This Dumb


A "Political Correctness Gone Mad" bonehead award goes to some
administrators in Australia who have instructed day care centers to
stop saying the words "no" and "don't" to children because it "hinders
their development." And to no longer use, "good boy" and "good girl"
because it is sexist. They are to instead use words like "stop" and
"congratulations."

Lessons in "Personal Responsibility" will also now be superseded by
lessons in "Effective Whining" and "How To Blame Others." The phrase
"I'm OK, You're OK" will no longer be permitted and is to be replaced
with "I'm Not OK, you hurt my feelings, get me a waaaaaaaambulance!"


Fox News 3-Sep-06
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,212011,00.html

--------------------------------------

Old Age Vs. New Age In The Old World


A 75-year-old UK woman who went to sign up for Internet service at
Carphone Warehouse was denied service until she came back with a young
family member who could explain things to her.

Mrs. Greening-Jackson, who sits on the board of several charities,
said: ``I was absolutely furious. The young man said, 'Sorry, you're
over 70. It's company policy. We don't sign anyone up who is over 70.'
' ''

"I have just completed a visa form to go to Russia. Last year we did
one for walking the Wall in China and here is this person saying I
would not be able to understand a basic form - and it was basic. It is
pure ageism ... Somebody has decided when you turn 70 you lose a lot
of your mind. I find this is ridiculous.""


Daily Mail (UK) 2-Sep-06
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=4033\
33&in_page_id=1770
or http://www.smallerurl.com/?id=q9re8zx

----------------------------------------


Man Chooses The Last Place In The World To Rob


If you have to choose one of several thousand stores to rob, it
probably is a bad idea to rob the one you used to work at.

Christopher L. Bourchard of Killingly, Connecticut, robbed the Dunkin
Donuts that he used to work at, according to store employees who
called police to tell them that Christopher L. Bourchard who used to
work there had just robbed them.

Bonus: Police picked him up at his home.


Norwich Bulletin (Connecticut) 1-Sep-06
http://www.norwichbulletin.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060901/NEWS01/609010\
09


*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


From Fark.com


       If you work for RadioShack, you might want to check your spam
filter to see if you've been fired

  -- Radio shack laid off almost 400 employees via email




*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************


Faster Than A Quick And Speedy Trial. The New America!


In the Evil Parallel Universe the justice system runs efficiently. You
don't even need to be charged with a crime or sued for an action. In
fact, you don't even need to go to court to get your "due" process.

In Ohio you can now be added to the state's public sex offender
registry (available for all to see via the Internet) with all
requirements and honors conferred thereto even though you have never
been charged with a crime, let alone convicted of one. In fact, anyone
can make a claim that you sexually abused them and in you go.

"A recently enacted law allows county prosecutors, the state attorney
general, or, as a last resort, alleged victims to ask judges to
civilly declare someone to be a sex offender even when there has been
no criminal verdict or successful lawsuit."

"The person's name, address, and photograph would be placed on a new
Internet database and the person would be subjected to the same
registration and community notification requirements and restrictions
on where he could live."

What can possibly go wrong? This will no doubt be used only for good.

Only after you've been put into the database, lost your job, your
reputation forever destroyed, can you then petition the court to have
your name removed but not before 6 years.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

If you live in Ohio and anyone who'd be described as a crazy or a
vindictive person doesn't like you, you ought to move now.

Do NOT go anywhere within 100 feet of your child's friends and do not
coach children's teams. I strongly suggest that you drop out of
scouting leadership positions and never let your child's friend sleep
over at your house. Do not go on sleepovers with your scout or on
school trips. Don't even chaperone them. Do not drive any children
other than your own and never take the baby-sitter home.

Do not let your child go near any school mates either. These days 3
year-olds get charged with sexual assault.


The Toledo Blade (Toledo, Ohio) 29-Aug-06
http://www.toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060829/NEWS24/608290360/\
-1/NEWS
or http://www.smallerurl.com/?id=jxp3al4


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************



From the QT column in the Chicago Sun-Times:

Half-baked plans


News Item: "Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, if he ever became
the supreme decision maker in his country, would 'sacrifice half of
Iran for the sake of eliminating Israel.' "

One question. Do you think it will be the half he is in?

***

The terrorists, apparently, win

News Item (2001): The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi announces he can end
global terrorism by creating a "spiritual force field" with the help
of donations from billionaires.

News Item (2003): The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi announces he can end
global terrorism by creating a "spiritual force field" with the help
of donations from billionaires.

News Item (2006): The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi announces he can end
global terrorism by creating a "spiritual force field" with the help
of donations from billionaires.

Last chance. Going ... going ...





????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
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*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************




---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------

***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************


Why is it that a woman with little or no mechanical ability can easily
replace the toilet paper roll on the little springy thingy, while a
man who can tune a car, rewire electrical appliances, and build
shelving just can't seem to figure out this important life skill ?

--Jean





Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


My EX-husband got me a bucket filled with a sponge and car wash soap,
a squeegee and a chamois for Christmas! I guess I knew the EX- part
was coming soon.

--Nanci




HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES


I work as a secretary in a real estate office. One of my main duties
is to answer incoming calls from prospective clients. You would be
absolutely amazed at the number of people who call about some of our
properties and can't tell me the address, what street they are on, or
any other information which would help me to locate the properties
they are calling about. Instead, these people tend to describe their
surroundings, like that is going to help me. Behind the toy store or
where the old furniture store used to be isn't very helpful when you
live in a big city

--Sharon



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

My wife and I both teach at the local university. Just when we start
taking ourselves too seriously, I read a few of the bonehead of the
day awards to her. That puts it all in perspective, and puts us back
on the planet with a smile. Keep up the work, we truly appreciate it.

-- Jerry (great name!) Jensen, Pullman, Washington




-------------------------------------------------------

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============================================================



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-------------------------------------------------------

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============================================================
08162002 013503 152

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
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All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
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full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
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RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
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If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
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Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,453 subscribers!
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited our website in July
Plus the 6,938 different people who have visited it in August
and the 2,569 different people who have visited it so far this month
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=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

Great Web Hosting Deal!

20GB Disk Storage
1 TB !!! per month Bandwidth
PHP, MYSQL, CGI, PERL, Jabber, Wordpress,
   Streaming Media and more!

$7.95 per month!!

I use Dreamhost.  I am so happy with their
service and support!  I recommend them.

http://www.dreamhost.com/r.cgi?205544

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 8,059 votes !!!  Number two is at 11,693
on the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 7 bonehead awards!



Bomb Scare

If you happen to find a potent and destructive 8-ounce stick of Semtex
plastic explosive near Logan International airport in Boston, please
call the Massachusetts State Police. They would appreciate if you'd
return it to them.

Massachusetts State Police have been looking the past four days for a
missing stick of highly destructive Semtex plastic explosive which
they attached to the bumper of a Massport truck during a security
drill which was then lost when some airport employee drove the truck
away without anyone noticing.

But not to worry. The State police say it "poses little threat since
it lacks a blasting cap." It's a good thing bad people aren't allowed
to have blasting caps.

The Boston Herald 10-Sep-06
http://news.bostonherald.com/localRegional/view.bg?articleid=156785


------------------------------------------------

Roof Rack Transporting Is A Lost Art

Please remember that if you place $1.5 million worth of art on your
car's roof rack, it's best to tie it down. Just ask Aboriginal artist
Gordon Syron of Sydney Australia. Or maybe you shouldn't.

Police could not locate the lost paintings.


News.com (Australia) 9-Sep-06
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20380305-1702,00.html


------------------------------------------------

IncROACHing Storms

You think he never heard of WeatherBug.

Professionalism in media surrenders when this weatherman sees a roach
during his weather report. It's the best 51 second weather report
you'll ever see.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery40.html


-------------------------------------------------

Some NYC Subway Workers Are Not Running With All Their High Beams On

It never occurred to a NYC subway work crew that when adding ceiling
beams to a subway tunnel for construction purposes, that they really
ought to first find out exactly how much clearance a subway train
needs to get through the tunnel. They found out only when the first
train tried coming through.

The station was closed for 4 hours while the beams were removed.


WINS (New York City) 6-Sep-06
http://1010wins.com/print_page.php?contentId=200319&contentType=4


=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif


=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-




Moocha Java


A "Stupidest Lawsuit In The World," Bonehead Award

Starbucks emailed a "selected number of employees" a coupon for a free
drink with instructions to pass them along to "friends" and "family."
Some boneheads went and emailed them all around the Internet .
Starbucks had to eventually cancel the coupons when thousands of
people who were not the intended recipients wanted a free drink.

Now a woman, claiming neither to be one of the selected employees nor
a friend or family member of any selected employee, believes she is
entitled to mooch a free drink from Starbucks because she could print
the coupon. She was refused.

Still mooching.

Since this is America, you know what she did next. She's suing
Starbucks for $114 million because they made her feel bad.

No word on whether she had to be whisked away by a waaaaaaaaambulance.


Yahoo News 8-Sep-06
http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/060908/starbucks_sued.html?.v=1

-----------------------------------------------

If The Shoe Fits


A "too dumb to be a criminal" bonehead award.

A German man who shoplifted a pair of mismatched shoes and a
sportcoat, both of which are rare and attention-getting, returned to
the store two days later, wearing the very same rare and
attention-getting items, and attempted to steal the matching shoes,
police said.


China Daily 8-Sep-06
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/world/2006-09/08/content_684945.htm


-------------------------------------------------

Big Winners, Now Big Losers. They Won Millions And Are More Broke Than
You


Meat the Big Winners who are sadly Big Losers.

     * Evelyn Adams won the New Jersey lottery twice,
       for a total of $5.4 million (1985 and 1986).
       Today she's broke and lives in a trailer. Much
       of it was lost to gambling, some for being
       too generous.

     * William "Bud" Post won $16.2 million in the
       Pennsylvania lottery in 1988. Now he only has
       his Social Security income. In the end he went
       bankrupt with $1 million in debt. He lives on
       $450/month and food stamps.

     * Suzanne Mullins won $4.2 million in the Virginia
       lottery. She is also broke and owes $154K.

     * Willie Hurt won $3.1 million in Michigan in 1989.
       He spent it all in 2 years and was also charged
       with murder. He spent it all on a divorce and
       cocaine.

     * Janite Lee of Missouri won $18 million. 8 years
       later, she was broke and had to file for bankruptcy.

There are others.

MSN
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/SaveMoney/8lotteryWinnersWhoL\
ostTheirMillions.aspx?GT1=8580
or http://tinyurl.com/qcygg


*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


From Fark.com


  From Fark.com

     * Japan's one day old Imperial heir already being blamed
       for ruining the economy and population decline

       It's true.
http://money.cnn.com/2006/09/07/news/international/pluggedin_chandler.fortune/in\
dex.htm?postversion=2006090711
       or http://tinyurl.com/pvc4v

     * Cartoonist arrested in Japan, details are sketchy

     * American Airlines wants to cut costs by "simplifying"
       maintenance. Passengers can help by watching for
       falling parts

     * Iran claims AIDS breakthru which does not include
       public humiliation and death

     * Setting up a wireless webcam in the women's room
       is all fun & games until the deli next door picks
       the same frequency for their wireless camera

     * Nobel winner admits life has been tough since he
       admitted he was a Nazi officer, which must really
       suck for him. Not like being shoved in an oven
       or anything, but still

     * Members of Sweden's Green Party have the lowest
       percentage of fuel-efficient cars in Parliament

     * There are now insurance policies specifically designed
       to protect Little League coaches from getting sued
       over hurting some kid's feelings.

     * Why do we spend billions on health care, prescription
       drugs, hospitals, and other medical services in this
       country when all we need to do is visit faith healer
       Billy Burke?

     * You know you live in a small town when a wild pig
       named "Hogzilla" is terrorizing the residents



*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

Swears The Justice?

In the Evil Parallel Universe things are reversed. It's not what you
do, it's what you say.

"For more than two years a group of about 15 teenage thugs have
hounded Donna Appleyard, 32, subjecting her to relentless abuse,
threats and vandalism ... And who do you think the police nicked?
Her.. for swearing ... she was arrested and fined. And if she doesn't
pay up, Donna could face a spell in prison."

Donna claims she made countless complaints to police about the gang
but nothing was done. She said: "Officers told me I'd scared children.
Well, what do they think has been happening to us for the past year? I
am livid ... These kids have made me, my family and my neighbours feel
like prisoners in our own homes.

And what say the police?

Sgt Neil Haley, of the local neighborhood policing team said: "We
appreciate that anti-social behaviour can be frustrating. But people
should not take the law into their own hands."

Huh?? What the?

Um, OK, also, I swear, in the Evil Parallel Universe, you don't need
to be very smart to join the some of their police forces.

The Mirror (UK) 11-Sep-06
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=17721485&method=full&siteid=94762&headl\
ine=bloody-stupid----name_page.html
or http://tinyurl.com/oazc7



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

It's A Stretch

TechEBlog  discovered some strange Japanese devices on sale in Japan
to reshape certain body parts to make a more beautiful woman. No, not
those parts!

See the gadgets and results here:
http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery41.html


-----------------------------------


He Sort Of Knew When To Stop

A man being chased through three towns by New Hampshire police stopped
at every red light. police said.

Weird.

WMUR (New Hampshire) 8-Sep-06
http://www.wmur.com/news/9809292/detail.html





????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
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##########################################

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Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
http://tinyurl.com/ywukl


#########################################




*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************




---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------

***********************************************
GENES VS. JEANS
WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?
***********************************************


*** SEND MORE ****



Send your entry to GenesOrJeans@... or
JeansOrGenes@...

Provide us with your "name" exactly as you'd like it to appear with
your entry, should your entry be used, AND provide your city and
country information. We will pick our favorites and use them in a
subsequent issue.



**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


The year I got married, my husband gave me two gifts wrapped in one
package.  One was a day planner, with a calendar that was ready to
expire the end of that year and was an off brand so I couldn't buy new
pages.  The other was a dainty gold chain wrapped around the day
planner.  I almost broke the chain because I didn't see it.  I should
mention that I am about as dainty as a wrecking ball and I don't wear
much jewelry besides a cheap watch.

When I was cleaning out our files after we divorced, I saw that he had
made a purchase at a jewelry store days before Christmas.  It was for
a locket and ring in the neighborhood of $600.  I found out he gave
them to his ex-girlfriend.

--Debbie




HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES

I deal cards in an Indian casino. One day while standing at a Pai Gow
Poker table a man came to the table and asked me if there was another
area where there were table games. I told him, "No, this is the only
table games area." He then asked, "Do you have Pai Gow Poker?" I
assured him that we did. I was even nice enough to point out to him
that he was standing at the Pai Gow table. Interestingly enough, even
though he could not recognize a Pai Gow table on sight, after only a
few hands of cards he was telling me how to deal the game.

--Bruce




--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

"Bonehead" has to be my favorite site- read it even before my
girlfriend's e-mails !!

-- Ron (Pembroke, Maine) who is now in big trouble




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=sign


You can READ entries in the guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=view


============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/bonehe.ezine



Want to see the archive?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08162002 061655 152

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
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RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
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http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
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If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
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Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,456 subscribers!
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited our website in July
Plus the 6,938 different people who have visited it in August
and the 5,205 different people who have visited it so far this month
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=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
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XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif


=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 8,319 votes !!!  Number two is at 11,947
on the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I started a blog, which started the whole world crying .....

I started my own blog.  I did it for one main compelling reason.
Because I have absolutely no time to write a blog.  This is how I make
all my important decisions.

I invite you to my blog which, for now, is on MySpace.  It's at
http://www.myspace.com/boneheadawards




*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 10 bonehead awards!



Miss Great Britain Has A Historyrectumy


Today we bestow a "Stupidest Utterance In The World," Bonehead Award
to the reigning Miss Britain, Danielle Lloyd.

The Los Angeles times reports that when Miss Lloyd was asked who
Winston Churchill was, she replied, "Wasn't he the first black
president of America? There's a statue of him near me that's black."

Paris Hilton was unavailable for comment.


Porter's People 17-Sep-06
http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/entertainment/columnists/porters_people/15541487.ht\
m?source=rss&channel=ohio_porters_people
or http://tinyurl.com/zd43y

------------------------------------------------

Oooh Eeee Oooh Ow Ow.  And then the witch doctor He told me what to
do...


Some years ago the first Bonehead award bestowed upon an animal was to
a dog for trying to have sex with a hedgehog with expected painful
results, the poor dog.

Today's award goes to Zoran Nikolovic, a Serbian man who, having gone
to a witchdoctor complaining of premature e*jaculation, followed the
witchdoctor's advice and tried having s*ex with a hedgehog.

Always, always! Get a second opinion!

He was rushed to the hospital with severe lacerations you know where.
Where's premature e*jaculation when you really need it?

The hedgehog was unhurt and Moron Nikolovic will fully recover.

"This demonstrates the dangers in consulting unlicensed witchdoctors,"
said a spokesman from the International Association of Witchdoctors.


The Register (UK) 15-Sep-06
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/09/15/serbian_witchdoctor/print.html

------------------------------------------------

It's Snow Way To Do It


Watch what happens when men of little brains try to get a car out from
being stuck in the snow and the only tool they have is a macho large
pickup truck.

Interestingly, there never was actually any problem. They obviously
think the car is stuck because it can't go backwards. But as you'll
see the car could have gone forward easily, straightened out, and then
gone backwards to the street. But none of them thought of this.

And it's funny watching them telling each other how dumb each other
are.

You will amazed. It's only 1:35 long. Be sure to watch it to its
inevitable conclusion. They do some swearing so if that's a problem,
keep the sound off.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery42.html


-------------------------------------------------


It's A Scapegoat, Of Course


A "Stupidest Excuse In The World," Bonehead Award is bestowed to A
Nigerian man, arrested for murdering his brother, who is claiming that
he did not kill his brother. That he killed a goat which through an
evil magic turned into his dead brother.

He says if you believe his story than he'd like you to help him
transfer $48 million dollars out of the country.


San Jose Mercury News (San Jose, California) 15-Sep-06
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/weird_news/15526858.htm?template\
=contentModules/printstory.jsp
or http://tinyurl.com/fdhk6



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service and support!  I recommend them.

http://www.dreamhost.com/r.cgi?205544

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


The Film Was A Smash Hit


If you're going to smash up your van to collect the insurance money,
it's never a good idea to videotape the whole thing, especially if
you're going to be careless and lose the tape.

"The two men and women created a fake car accident to collect
insurance money. They taped their van slamming into a tree over and
over."

They had to playback the money.


ABC (Chicago 13-Sep-06)
http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=bizarre&id=4556555


---------------------------------------

Catchy Name


Bryan Sanderson of Virginia robbed two banks and both times drove off
in his company truck which had "Sanderson Services" printed in large
letters on both sides, police said.


WVEC (Virginia) 13-Sep-06
http://www.wvec.com/news/topstories/stories/wvec_local_091306_york_co_robberies.\
78e7774.html
or http://tinyurl.com/z3te7


---------------------------------------

Bad Neighbor Hood


While his neighbors were out of town on a church mission, a Waterbury,
Connecticut, man, living just a few doors down from them, took
everything from their home, and I mean everything, including the door
knobs, and then held a yard sale on his property to sell it all off,
police said.


WTNH (Connecticut) 9-Sep-06
http://wtnh.com/Global/story.asp?S=5385639


----------------------------------------

First Rob A Bank, THEN Go To Town


An Austrian man who burst into the Poggersdorf Town Hall in Southern
Austria, brandishing a toy gun and yelling "Hold up! Hold up!,"
believing he was in a bank, fled after a town employee explained his
mistake to him. But the story doesn't end here. He returned during the
investigation to get his motorcycle, police said.


The Mercury (Zambia) 25-Aug-06
http://www.themercury.co.za/index.php?fArticleId=3408651

Special thanks to reader Rev. Chuck Baker for sending me this story


--------------------------------------------

Now You Know Why CCTV Is Pronounced See See TV


Do you think they'll ever figure out who stole the CCTV camera from
the pub?
http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery43.html


----------------------------------------------


Woman Receives A Special Package From Her Uncle Sammy


In rejecting a California woman's trademark application for the phrase
"You cum like a girl," the US Patent and Trademark Office, to prove
that the word "cum" was "directly associated with degrading sexual
acts" and therefore "scandalous", and not eligible for registration,
returned the rejected application to Cathy Carlson along with 10 MBs
of hard core pornographic images downloaded from the Internet as well
as output from Google searches meant to prove their point.

You can't make this stuff up.

You can see the entire document from the US Patent and Trademark
Office at the Smoking Gun.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0911061uspto1.html



*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


From Fark.com


  From Fark.com

     * New ultrasound technique being used to find new
       sources of gas, apparently is a vast improvement
       over the "whoever smelt it, dealt it" method

     * When I was a kid, and we wanted to send an electronic
       message we had to type 07734 into a calculator and
       turn it upside down

     * Oddly enough, playing Barney on a shopping cart TV
       screen doesn't sell more groceries

     * To take our attention away from the Pluto scandal,
       astronomers declare they have found a big cute
       fluffy planet

     * Life expectancy in the USA has a direct relationship
       to where you live. Folks in SD might want to get
       their wills in order

     * NYC Atheists stand on street corners handing out
       pamphlets, making them as annoying as any other
       religious group



*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************


Wrongful Birth

In the Evil Parallel Universe, you want to be taken for a ride ... by
cab drivers.

A woman in China went into labor just 300 meters from the hospital and
ended up having to deliver her baby in the street, in 106 F weather,
after a dozen taxi drivers refused to drive her the short distance to
the hospital.

Her husband was physically removed from the first taxi they were in
when she began going into labor. "Don't deliver the baby in my car, or
I'll have very bad luck throughout the year!" yelled the cab driver.
We should only hope so.

Someone called an ambulance.

In the Evil Parallel Universe ambulance drivers are, apparently, also
taxi drivers. The ambulance didn't arrive for two hours.

Despite it all mother and baby are doing well.

Yahoo News 13-Sep-06
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060913/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_china_birth



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

MySpace, Legally Speaking


Never, ever, park your car in a judge's reserved parking spot or
you'll do time.

Nicole Delameter of Florida parked her car in a parking space marked
"reserved" at the West Pasco Judicial Center. When Circuit Judge
Stanley Mills arrived and found his space taken, he parked his car
behind hers and made Delameter wait until he left for the day.

She says she thought "reserved" meant it was reserved for those
attending court.

"There's two perks to the job," said the judge. "I have my own
bathroom, and I have my own parking spot, and you're not going to get
to use either."

Houston Chronicle (Texas) 13-Sep-06
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/bizarre/4184099.html






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Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
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SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************




---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------




**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


After we got married I had gained 10 lbs because of a medication,
which my husband knew.  I was being careful with my eating but that
was still no excuse for what happened our first Valentine's Day
together.  I told my husband over and over what an important day this
was for me, dropping hints about all of the appropriate ways of making
the day special.
He went to the drugstore to buy me a card, but decided that it was a
waste of money and instead bought me a 2 liter bottle of diet soda and
was quite proud of himself for getting me something more practical
than a card. What made it worse was that I had stopped drinking any
kind of soda right after we were married because I couldn't stand the
taste of diet sodas.  He couldn't understand why I wasn't thrilled
with my valentine.

- Pat




HELP!!
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VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************



FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES

I work for the NYS Thruway.  One day a few years ago I was out on the
shoulder of the road, A woman pulled up onto the shoulder, rolled down
her window, and asked me "Is this how I get there?"  Thinking it was
probably best to get her moving as soon as possible (many accidents
involve cars sitting on the shoulder) I just said "Yes it is!" and off
she went, happy.

I often wonder if she got "there".  Probably not.


--- Bill




--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

Love the bonehead awards. One thing's for sure--you'll never run out
of material...they're out there!!

-- Hox (Exeter, New Hampshire)




-------------------------------------------------------

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============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

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============================================================
08162002 061655 152

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
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We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
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If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
interesting alternative for you.

Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Want to advertise? Check out the information on our web site at
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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,449 subscribers!
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited our website in July
Plus the 6,938 different people who have visited it in August
and the 7,834 different people who have visited it so far this month
or use the RSS feed.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~



=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif


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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 8,319 votes !!!  Number two is at 11,947
on the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I invite you to see my blog which, for now, is on MySpace.  It's at
http://www.myspace.com/boneheadawards




*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 8 bonehead awards!





What Goes Around, Comes Around

Watch these two geniuses try to break a window to gain entry. Only 17
seconds.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery44.html

------------------------------------------------

Purr Nonsense


Police swooped down on a man in the UK because he missed a vet
appointment for his kitten.

The Essex police, along with an Animal Protection worker, barged in on
18-year-old Robert Emberson because he missed a vet appointment for
his kitten and they demanded that he turn in the cat.

Officials say that this follows an earlier encounter with Emberson
when Animal Protection found, get ready for it, ONE FLEA, just one
single flea!!!, on his cat at which time they forced Emberson to lose
a day's pay to get his cat a flea treatment.

Cats have it real good in Essex. Human beings in the UK who use the
National Health Service wait, on the average, 108 days for needed
heart scans. No report on how long people wait for parasite
treatments.


The UK Sun 23-Sep-06
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006440273,00.html
------------------------------------------------

Dumb Luck

If you're going to spend $36 million building a gambling casino, it's
always a good idea to first check to make sure gambling is permitted
where you're putting up the casino.

The Kewadin Shores Casino which has some 800 slot machines and 26
gambling tables opened in Michigan's Upper Peninsula but there's been
no gambling because all but 30 feet of the building is on land where
gambling is illegal.

Bonus. They knew of this 2 1/2 years before finishing the complex.


The Herald (South Carolina) 20-Sep-06
http://dwb.heraldonline.com/24hour/weird/story/3377597p-12425122c.html

-------------------------------------------------

Leg Of Mutton

We bestow a "Stupidest Dog In The World," Bonehead Award to this one.
Watch him/her.  Only 40 seconds (or 4.5 minutes in dog minutes)

http://www.lerman.biz/pics/Gallery46.html


-------------------------------------------------

Court Jester

A man, in court, on trial for stealing computers, steals the court's
computers.

"It just amazed me that someone could be in the middle of a jury trial
for a burglary involving computers and immediately get involved in
another burglary at the Civic Center," said sheriff's Sgt. Jerry
Niess.

ABC News 19-Sep-06
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2466271





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=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

Great Web Hosting Deal!

20GB Disk Storage
1 TB !!! per month Bandwidth
PHP, MYSQL, CGI, PERL, Jabber, Wordpress,
   Streaming Media and more!

$7.95 per month!!

I use Dreamhost.  I am so happy with their
service and support!  I recommend them.

http://www.dreamhost.com/r.cgi?205544

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


Dream Busses

The City of Greater Manchester in the UK has installed bus stops where
no busses have run for 20 years and where there are no plans to start
running busses.

You know what is even crazier? They did it on purpose because they
think it was a smart thing to do.

Don't try to follow this.

When asked why they did this, the Greater Manchester Transport
Executive said they installed them "just in case" of any changes.

"There are no plans to run services down Astley Road at the moment.
But we've been down to the site and measured the chicane and found
there's no reason why we couldn't."


Manchester Evening News 19-Sep-06
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/223/223521_waiting_game_at_bus_sto\
ps_with_no_buses.html


-------------------------------------------


Couple Of "Too Dumb To Be A Criminal," Bonehead Awards

A man with an exposed "prominent" Grand Theft Auto tattoo on his back
tried to inconspicuously blend in while stealing a car in Vancouver,
according to onlookers.


A man who filed a job application at a local Halloween store decided
to do some major shoplifting before leaving and returned later when
called in for an interview, police said.


Reuters 21-Sep-06
http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2006\
-09-21T155028Z_01_N20239755_RTRUKOC_0_US-TATTOO.xml&archived=False&rpc=92
or http://tinyurl.com/hl953

St. Petersburg Times (Florida) 22-Sep-06
http://www.sptimes.com/2006/09/22/Northpinellas/And_just_forget_about.shtml



*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************


Back next time.


*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************


Not this week.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

Shell Fish


If you have any idea how 3 live minnows could get inside a sealed duck
egg, biologists at the University of Manchester would like you to give
them a call.

"The group found the duck egg in a small pond on a field trip to the
French Alps and noticed something moving inside it. When they cracked
open the shell, three live minnows were inside."

"They have enlisted the help of other experts, but despite their
extensive combined knowledge, the biologists admit they are "baffled"
"

See picture at http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery45.html


BBC 21-Sep-06
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/5367432.stm




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*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************

Lewinsky Mulls '08 Run

Former White House Intern Offers Self as Alternative to Hillary

According to Professor Davis Logsdon of the political science
department at the University of Minnesota, offering herself as an
alternative to Sen. Clinton could be a successful strategy for Ms.
Lewinsky: "It's worked before."

The Borowitz Report (http://www.borowitzreport.com)




---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
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------------------------




**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


My boyfriend at the time, Steven, went to a pawn shop and bought me a
golden heart necklace for my birthday, which he thought I would like
since he saw me wearing one like it before.

It was my necklace!!!

My little brother's friend and he were visiting one day and they took
my necklace and pawned it so my boyfriend could buy it back for me!

My boyfriend had a shocked look on his face when I told him I knew he
took the necklace just so he could give it to me since he knew it was
my favorite thing in the world at the time.

My brother's friend said he was sorry after that but it was too late.
I broke it off with my boyfriend that day. Talk about a stupid thing
to do.

He hooked up later with my brother's friend's sister.

--Sue




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     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************

In college, and for a while after graduation, both my husband and I
worked as managers of 2 pizza stores in the same chain.  We would get
people calling in several hours after they picked up the pizzas to
complain that they were cold and they wanted a new one, or their money
back.  The cash-out receipt had the time of order, and what time they
paid for it, so if it was still cold it was their fault not ours.  Or
they would eat all but one piece, then call in and say that the pizza
was wrong.  When they brought the pizza back, they didn't understand
why we would not replace the pizza, even though they ate the whole
thing.

One day, an elderly man ordered anchovies and called in to complain
that there was fish on his pizza!

Needless to say, I was really glad to grow up and get a real job!




--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

I enjoy reading your funny and weird news....makes my day !!! thnx !!

-- Jun




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============================================================
08202002 094406 151

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
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*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 9 bonehead awards!





Inappropriate Show And Tell


A 10-year-old UK girl was suspended from school for 2 days after she
refused to strip down to her underwear while a classroom full of 10
and 11 year-old boys stood watching. The school ordered this "purely
for health and safety reasons." You can't make this stuff up.

"The girls, aged ten and 11, were left in tears after being ordered to
change for PE [Physical Education] in a mixed classroom under a school
policy blamed on health and safety regulations. "

Mars Bedford [the girl's mother] said: "Sam was embarrassed and
distressed because the boys kept looking at her and making comments.
She is now wearing her first bra and taking sex education lessons.
This is a very sensitive time for girls. Don't the teachers realise
how difficult it is? Girls were trying to hide under a table so boys
could not see them. It is disgusting."

Sam added: "The boys kept looking at me. I was embarrassed so I went
to the toilets. But the teacher tried to take me back to the classroom
with the boys."

And what says headlessmistress Suzanne Foster of Hillside School in
Baddeley Green, Stoke-on-Trent, whose title ironically is also
"Designated Child Protection?"

According to the parents, Ms. Foster told them this was necessary
because there was only one teacher available to provide supervision.
"The arrangements started this term purely for health and safety
reasons. I cannot have unsupervised children at school."

Sounds like the problem is more about unsupervised school
administrators at school.

Under extreme parental reaction, the school has changed this policy.

The UK Department of Education says there are no regulations regarding
what happens when children change for PE.

The school can be reached for comment at  mailto:hillside@...
.


Daily Mail (UK) 30-Sep-06
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=4077\
96&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source
or http://tinyurl.com/ptmbo



------------------------------------------------

Government Of The People, By The Person


Because one woman complained to the mayor of Columbus, Georgia, that
she was, for reasons unknown, thoroughly offended by seeing a police
officer eat a banana in public, police officers in Columbus, Georgia,
by mayoral decree, will no longer apparently be permitted to be seen
in public eating bananas as the mayor has publicly stated that
allowing police officers to eat a banana in public is a "thoughtless"
act. What the???

Am I the only one who finds this sort of pandering to an unbalanced
single person rather offensive? What ever happened to majority rule?

The city had handed out bananas and water to police officers standing
in the hot sun for hours, at a rally, to provide them replenishment
for lost potassium. Well, screw that type of thinking for now on in
Columbus, Georgia. The police can just drop.

From a letter to the woman written by mayor Robert S. "Wimp"
Poydasheff, "...There was no thought of insulting or offending anyone,
and perhaps that was thoughtless on our part. In any case, let me
offer my sincere apology for anything our officers may have done that
gave offense to you or anyone else. I want to assure you that it will
not happen again."


Harper's Magazine 21-Sep-06
http://www.harpers.org/ABananaInTheSun.html

------------------------------------------------

Mean Temperature

A "Stupidest Parent In The World," bonehead award goes to a Bozeman,
Montana, parent who called police asking what the minimum amount of
heat, as well as electricity and phone service, she and her ex-husband
are required to provide their children. The woman was warned not to
endanger her children's welfare.

The Bozeman Daily Chronicle 25-Sep-06


--------------------------------------------------


Looks Bad

The headmaster at Holy Cross School in New Malden, Surrey, in the UK,
fired an 18-year-old male construction worker, helping to build a
school extension, for being too good looking. Apparently the remaining
crew, by implication, is ugly enough to remain on the job.

The headmaster says the man was distracting the school girls, who gave
him wolf whistles, because of his hunky physique. Joe Norman, the
workman, says he did nothing to distract the girls. He never even took
off his shirt.

"I'm muscular because of the type of work I do," said Norman. "But
I've never had this problem before. It was quite intimidating."

United Press International 18-Sep-06
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20060917-114006-8742r

-------------------------------------------------

69 Means Screwing The Public

The Bonehead trifecta is complete. Three bonehead awards in one:

First there is Victor Miguel of Australia, a former bus driver who was
finally let go after his 69th bus accident in 6 years, who went
through retraining six times, who was observed purposely running a red
light, tailgating and driving erratically and who is now appealing his
dismissal claiming that few of the accidents were his fault. He's just
unlucky to always be running into (literally) bad drivers.

Australia for waiting until he had 69 accidents before deciding that
he was dangerous.

And the union which is formally appealing to the government to
reinstate Miguel saying that his past driving record is irrelevant,
that their only job is to help union members get what they want
regardless of the consequences. You can stake you life on it.

Now, don't you feel a lot better about your municipal bus service?


Sydney Morning Herald 27-Sep-06
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/accidentprone-bus-driver-wants-his-job-back/\
2006/09/26/1159036545183.html
or http://tinyurl.com/pj6aj

------------------------------------

Extreme Angle Parking

An "unclear on the concept," bonehead award goes to the one who built
this home with a driveway that is angled too high to drive up.

See it at http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery47.html


-------------------------------------------------

A Kodak Moment

Two Durban, South African, police officers solicited bribes from
motorists as they stood in front of a city surveillance camera they
helped set up, police said.

News24 (South Africa) 29-Sep-06
http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/News/0,,2-7-1442_2005804,00.html

Thanks to reader Doug Hoffmeester for sending me this story






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Love At First Bite

David Marcel, a diver, diving in the waters off Key Largo came upon a
nurse shark. Naturally, he decided to give the shark a kiss on the
lips.

According to the doctor, "Dave's lip looked like it had been put
through a meat grinder or a garbage disposal."

"To add insult to injury, the blood from the attack attracted
snappers, who immediately swam up and helped themselves to a few
nibbles, too."

And what says Marcel?

He says next time he'll only kiss a shark if it isn't upside down at
the time.

Stay tuned for the upcoming part 2 .

Divester 19-Sep-06
http://www.divester.com/2006/09/19/man-kisses-shark-shark-bites-man


---------------------------------------


Insightful Words

We give a bonehead award to the job seekers who put these gems into
their cover letters to the Killian & Company advertising agency and
who were apparently left wondering why nobody was interested in them:

     * "I am seeking a new position as i have recently
        been laid." [Aren't there books that discuss
        alternative positions?]

     * "It is my desire to develop and generate the revolving
        scheme to filter to the consuming public in."

     * "Who's better to spew out incite, than a college
        senior ... ?"

     * "I also want to obtain a deeper understanding of
        how Advertising firms."

     * "Another reason [you should hire me is] your web
       site is very unfriendly and may sway some clients
       into not working with you. People use websites of
       companies such as yours for research and your
       website thinks that it is witty, but comes off
       very dull and cheezy."

     * "I need real world experience and after reviewing
        your web site I get the impressing that your
        company believes in maintain a lax work
        environment while efficiently meeting the needs
        of it's customers (right?)."

     * "... But that's the past. I've given them a year
       of my life in a minimum security work camp and I'm
       nearing work release status where I'll be for the
       next 15 months or so... I need to connect with
       open-minded people like myself! My crime was a
       'non-violent, victimless' one. I'm hoping this
       letter is reaching people who have or do
       smoke weed ..."

     * "I am getting to my goal, slowly but surly."

     * "That I offer my services at all, you may take
       as a complement, since I am one of the new wave
       of workers more interested in the quality of my
       work than the new fangaled fast buck concepts of
       the past few years."

You can see all the gems at
http://www.killianadvertising.com/coverletters.html




*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com

     * Officials at Mental Hospital are trying to piece together
       how an inmate was able to leave the institution. Patient
       last seen with a large white male who resembled
       California governor

     * Cisco's new logo styled for branding of Playskool's "My First
Router"
  [ see it at http://lerman.biz/pics/Cisco_new_logo.gif

     * "Injured penis worth $1.5 million to jury." Wonder how much
        it would have been worth if it had been in good condition?

     * Researchers using virus found in sheep feces to battle
       bacteria found in cattle intestines. Hopefully, this
       will come in pill form

     * RealNetworks... [buffering]... to offer... [buffering]...
      desktop... [buffering]... news feed

     * The leader of the NAACP chapter covering Maine from Augusta
       north to Canada is stepping down.. "Tired and burned out"
       from representing the 5 black people in the area

     * In case you needed another reason to move out of your
       parent's basement, how about waking up at 1 AM to find
       3 feet of raw sewage?

     * Chief executives for nonprofit charity organizations
       earned an average of $327,575 last year

     * The US Army will buy Dell computers. They like things
       that blow up

     * China builds new, ultrafast Internet, which isn't that
       difficult to do when you only allow access to
       a handful of sites

     * NAACP sues Jewish owned clinic for closing on Saturdays.
       Are the NAACP offices open on Sunday?



*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

In the Evil Parallel Universe, you can lose your daughter twice,
thanks to the government


A Bonehead Of The Day Award reader, Sharon Snell, lost her daughter to
lung cancer.

Now the government has lost her daughter's ashes and we are hoping
that someone who reads this mailing might be able to intervene and
help in locating them so her daughter can return home.

Here is Sharon's email to me:

At 17 my daughter Allexandra was the youngest person ever diagnosed
with lung cancer.  She died in April just after her 18th birthday.
(The big version of her story can be found on her website at
http://www.Allexandra.com)

About a month ago we learned when part of Allex's ashes were sent on
April 15th to a company called TechnoGranit in Canada to be turned
into a glass memorial sculpture they only made it as far as Canadian
Customs.  They should have continued on to the company in Quebec.  We
have confirmation from the US Postal Service that the package did
arrive in Vancouver Canada and from Canadian Post that the package was
received at Vancouver Canada.  They also state it was sent to Canadian
Customs.

Solie's funeral home who was handling the process has been trying
unsuccessfully since June 6th to find and retrieve Allex's ashes.
They and us have called everyplace we could think of- US Customs,
Canadian Customs, US Postal Service, Canadian Post, Vancouver Mail
Warehouse, US Consulate, Canadian Consulate, etc.  No luck and most
don't want to get involved or it is simply not their thing.

Story we receive is either- "White powder in a package- we seized it
and refuse to release", or our favorite- "We have no knowledge of your
package-maybe its just lost in the mail".

So we have resorted to calling on the media for help!

We have no idea if we will ever have her ashes returned to us, but we
are hoping and praying.  Part of Allex is missing and we are just not
willing to accept the answers we are getting right now!

If you can, in some way, help Sharon, please visit her website at
http://www.Allexandra.com and contact her by clicking on the "Email
me" link.



KIRO 7 video:  http://www.kirotv.com/video/9737628/index.html?taf=sea

Link to KING 5 Legally Speaking :
http://www.king5.com/localnews/legallyspeaking/
Everett Herald Newspaper story is at:
http://heraldnet.com/stories/06/08/24/100loc_a1ashes001.cfm



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

Seeing Is Believing. 200 Foot Long Earwig Attacking Germany


It is apparently true. An earwig, about 200 feet long, is roaming
somewhere near Ariesberg, Germany, and from the looks of things,
making a disgusting mess in the process. It's image has been caught in
this satellite photograph posted on Google Maps.

I, for one, welcome our new giant poopy insect overlords.


http://maps.google.com/maps?&ll=48.857734,10.204968&spn=0.002559,0.006748&t=k



-------------------------------------------


Justice Is Served

Yes, there is justice in this world, sometimes.

A raging neo-nazi white supremacist, Brian "Zero" Buckley, who bears
the tattoo on his forehead "ANFFAN" (American Nazi Forever Forever
American Nazi) is on trial for unspecified charges (the reporter seems
to have forgotten to mention them) in Florida. Being unable to afford
an attorney, the next available attorney was assigned to him by the
court and it happens to be black attorney Grady Irvin, Jr.

You gotta love it.

"We don't always get to pick and choose our clients," Irvin said.
"They don't always get to pick and choose their lawyers. I will
represent him, in any case. "My reputation as a lawyer, as a trial
lawyer, is at stake. And Mr. Buckley will get every ounce of that."

St. Petersburg Times 30-Sep-06
http://www.sptimes.com/2006/09/30/Pasco/Law_creates_an_odd_co.shtml




????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
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##########################################

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Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
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#########################################




*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************




---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------




**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


My mother is somewhat difficult to shop for, and my father once heard
her remark that she liked a particular opal ring. My father dutifully
filed that away in his brain as "likes opal rings" and pulled it out
whenever he was thinking of getting her a present. The next time he
was away on a trip he bought her an opal ring, which he proudly gave
her when he returned. For several years, he brought her a succession
of opal rings, all very similar, each time blissfully unaware that he
had gotten her virtually the same thing the last time he gave her a
gift. The most wonderful thing about it was the look of surprise on
his face when my mother would pull out the box that contained all of
the previous rings to PROOVE to him that he'd done it several times
before.

-- John



HELP!!
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--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************

I used to work for a woman who drove me nuts! It was because of the
ridiculous things she would say and do.  Often I would go to class and
tell my classmates
each daily episode, and they would all laugh their heads off.

One day this woman made toast in the toaster.  When it popped up she
absent-mindedly buttered the toast...and then put it BACK into the
toaster and pushed down the handle.  A few minutes later it began to
smoke!  She looked at me and said, "You know, the toaster wouldn't
smoke like that if you cleaned out the crumbs more often!"



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

I love your newsletter, just whenyou think you have heard
everything,something else comes up. Thanks for the laughs. :)

-- Karyn Mueller




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/guqb4
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============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08212002 112949 150

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
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RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
new content is available so you don't have to be checking every day.

If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
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Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,471 subscribers!
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited our website in July
Plus the 6,938 different people who have visited it in August
Plus the 10,846 different people who have visited it in September
and the 5,437 different people who have visited it so far this month
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~



=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif


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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 9,078 votes !!!  Number two is at 12,473
on the eZineFinder top ezine list!


If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A couple of things:

If you like watching the videos that I link to here, there are a few
more short ones that I posted in my profile on MySpace and a couple
more in my latest blog entry (http://www.myspace.com/boneheadawards)
which I decided, for whatever reasons, not to use in the mailing.  So,
if you can't get enough interesting videos, you might want to look at
them.


My time over the next several months for doing the boneheads will be
less certain.

My company is moving me, for three months, to England (Hinckley, to be
exact).  This should happen in the next couple of weeks.

Because of the time to get ready for the move, to move there and
settle in, to learn and begin a new project and because where I will
be living has no Internet connection, I will find it difficult to
provide the same amount of time to the bonehead awards that I have in
the past.  I will do my best.

I've never been to the UK.  I am looking forward to the experience.


*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 6 bonehead awards!




A Strange Lawsuit. The Only Winning Move Is Not To File. How About A
Nice Game Of Chess?


A 22-year-old New York State woman, the mother of a 3-year-old child,
has been arrested for filing a child support lawsuit against the
child's father and now faces a possible 7-year prison term.

How did this happen? She should have paid attention in math class.

Kimberly A. Baker of New York State filed the lawsuit against the
16-year-old father and in the process provided the court with sworn
statements that she did indeed have sex with him 4 years ago. Police
quickly realized that she had to be 18 when she became pregnant which
means the father had to have been 13 at the time. She was charged with
statutory rape, a felony.


North County Gazette 5-Oct-06
http://www.northcountrygazette.org/articles/100506SupportRape.html


------------------------------------------------

Thru Traffic

Bet you can't watch this bonehead just once. 10 second video.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery48.html

------------------------------------------------

An Idle Lawyer Is The Devil's Playground


We bestow a "Stupidest Lawsuit In The World, Bonehead Award" to this
German lawyer.

German law says that kidnap victims can sue the state for
compensation. This must make many German lawyers drool. But what's a
lawyer to do if he or she can not find a kidnap victim?

If you're attorney Jens Lorek, you start a class action lawsuit on
behalf of all the people who claim they've been abducted by aliens and
you just hope the courts are crazier than your clients.

"There's quite obviously demand for legal advice here," Jens Lorek
told Reuters by telephone on Thursday. "The trouble is, people are
afraid of making fools of themselves in court." Something that
apparently distinguishes Lorek from his clients.


Reuters 6-Oct-06
http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?storyID=2006-10-06T123120Z_01_L05\
713223_RTRIDST_0_ODD-GERMANY-ALIENS-DC.xml&rpc=92
or http://tinyurl.com/my2u8

--------------------------------------------------

Man Tries Going Back To The Capitol


A man in Western, Australia, was arrested by state police when they
saw him driving down a main highway at 40 MPH -- in reverse. He was
planning to drive backwards for 310 miles, all the way to the state
capitol in Perth. His transmission was broken. The car would not go
forward.

His plans suffered a setback when he was charged with reckless driving
and other traffic offenses.


Perth Now (Australia) 6-Oct-06
http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,20535405-2761,00.html

-------------------------------------------------

Not The Brightest Diamond In The Jewelry Store


A man who stole a $15,000 diamond ring from DD Jewellers in the UK
returned an hour later to DD Jewellers in the UK to try to sell them
back the ring, pretending it was his, police said.


Birmingham Mail 4-Oct-06
http://icbirmingham.icnetwork.co.uk/0100news/0100localnews/tm_headline=diamond-t\
hief-s-not-a-sparkling-intellect&method=full&objectid=17868497&siteid=50002-name\
_page.html
or http://tinyurl.com/nokgc



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service and support!  I recommend them.

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Indentured

A burglar's own teeth bites him in the butt.

An Argentinean man who burgled a home and left his dentures behind was
arrested when the home owner who found the dentures noticed that his
own nephew seemed to have lost his teeth.

The Independent (South Africa) 20-Sep-06
http://www.int.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=iol1158745028233T\
300

Originally found at The Edge - The Oregonian
(http://www.oregonlive.com/edge)




*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com

     * Lawyer: If Saddam were hanged, it would cause
      "the end of civilization as we know it in the
       birthplace of civilization, Mesopotamia.
       Total, unmitigated chaos." In other words,
       nothing would change

     * Starbucks to double North American stores,
       presumably by stacking new stores on top
       of existing ones

     * Good news: Yall can bring your $8 Starbucks
       on planes again

     * Chicken feathers can soon be used to make fabrics.
       Vegetarians in an uproar. McDonald's worried about
       loss of filler product. Big Bird unavailable for
       comment, reportedly missing

     * Parents of 650 children who were flunking reading
       and math for third straight year are notified
       that their children are eligible for free
       tutoring under federal law. Number of takers? Zero


*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

In the Evil Parallel Universe, you can save a lot of money because you
don't need your police force ... because they don't do anything to
protect anyone.


A man, brandishing a large piece of wood stormed into the St.
Stephen's Junior School in Canterbury, Kent in the UK, yelling "you're
dead!" He continued to threaten the staff and a dozen children for
about 50 minutes. Yet the 5 calls the school made to the police asking
for help were never responded to.

"'He was standing in a corridor armed with a thick stick being very
aggressive and abusive to everyone. He was clearly high on drugs. I
told him the police had been called but he just kept threatening us,
saying "you're dead", said head teacher Stuart Pywell." He was very
agitated and had the lump of wood but, for all we knew, he could also
have had a knife so we were reluctant to physically tackle him."

An investigation has begun into why the police hadn't responded.

The police union says that police are understaffed and often can't
respond.

"Last May John Lockley, 60, died after police and ambulance took six
hours to respond to 999 calls that he was lying unconscious in the
street in Stoke-on-Trent."


Daily Mail (UK) 6-Oct-06
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=4090\
82&in_page_id=1770


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

It's Not Just What's IN The Bag

These are the coolest shopping bags. It's called "Bagvertising." Check
these out, Trust me. You'll like them.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery49.html


---------------------------------------------


"I Love That Dirty Water..."

Unexpected consequences.

New York City and clean water do not mix, apparently. In the past the
Hudson River was so dirty that life forms which ate away wood piers
could not survive. Now that the river has been cleaned up, the
gribbles and shipworms have returned and they are eating up, or
otherwise destroying, wooden structures which once were safe from such
destruction.

Thanks to the Clean Water act of 1972, many of the older piers and
structures have collapsed, including the city's no longer floating
"floating Waterfront Museum. " I always tried telling my mother that
cleaning up my room would just lead to no good. She didn't listen
either.

Don't know a gribble from a shipworm?  You can see what they look like
at http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery50.html






????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
You can vote once a day.

????????




##########################################

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top DVDs!
http://tinyurl.com/32nln

Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
http://tinyurl.com/ywukl


#########################################




*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************


In a stunning development that could radically alter the electoral
landscape in the upcoming midterm elections, the singer Michael
Jackson announced today that he would run for the seat vacated ... by
former Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.)

Mr. Jackson told reporters that he had never shown much interest in
politics before, but added, "When I started reading about Mark Foley,
I realized that the House of Representatives was my kind of place."

From the Borowitz Report (http://www.BorowitzReport.com)


-----------------------------------

"Biggest Hassle - High-ranking visitors. More disruptive to work than
a rocket attack. VIPs demand briefs and "battlefield" tours (we take
them to quiet sections of Fallujah, which is plenty scary for them).
Our briefs and commentary seem to have no effect on their preconceived
notions of what's going on in Iraq. Their trips allow them to say that
they've been to Fallujah, which gives them an unfortunate degree of
credibility in perpetuating their fantasies about the insurgency
here."

"Biggest Outrage - Practically anything said by talking heads on TV
about the war in Iraq, not that I get to watch much TV. Their thoughts
are consistently both grossly simplistic and politically slanted.
Biggest Offender: Bill O'Reilly."

Excerpted from a letter from a Marine serving in Iraq. See the entire
letter in Time Magazine 6-Oct-06 at
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1543658-3,00.html





---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------




**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


This was NOT TO ME (I am a guy)-but a fellow  I worked with many years
ago.

Whenever he had to give a gift-be it for a wedding; house warming;
engagement; Xmas; birthdays; anniversaries; whatever- to male, female
couples or whatever-he always gave the same.

Toilet paper.  If a couple and something like a wedding- a case (ditto
for Xmas -for a couple or family; less if one person);


- Anonymous in Florida



HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************

When the computer at work had spellcheck, it would underline words
where it detected a misspelling.  It would offer a suggestion as to
the correct spelling.  You could introduce new words to the list of
data, so that it would recognize often-used spellings--as is the case
with the spelling of names.
There was a manager there that nobody liked very much by the name of
Mr. Becker.  We found that whenever his name was typed on the
computer, the spellcheck would underline it as a misspelling.  As a
suggestion it would offer "Mr. Pecker".  How apt!

We liked it so much we never got around to entering his name in the
database.



--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

Each day as I wade through the mountains of junk mail (and sometimes
personal mail) searching for your newsletter, I'm never disappointed
when I finally find it. You're doing a great job! What IS
disappointing in some small way though, is that you'll never run out
of subject matter! P.S. I think I work with some of these people!!

-- Becky in San Diego




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/guqb4
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=sign


You can READ entries in the guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=view


============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/bonehe.ezine



Want to see the archive?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08212002 112949 150

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
new content is available so you don't have to be checking every day.

If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
interesting alternative for you.

Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subscription Info
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are the magic E-mail addresses to manage your subscription:

To join send a blank message to
BoneheadOfTheDayAward-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit our web site
at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com

To unsubscribe send a blank message to
BoneheadOfTheDayAward-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com You must send the
message using the same Email account under which you are subscribed.

Put your E-mail on hold (vacation mode) send a blank message to
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Take your E-mail off hold send a blank message to
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Want to change your address?

Go to http://www.yahoogroups.com.  If you have a Yahoo ID, sign in.
Otherwise follow the directions to get one.  Once you sign in, you
should be able to change you address associated with all your
yahoogroups mailings.

Want to advertise? Check out the information on our web site at
http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2180827,00.html

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,483 subscribers!
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited our website in July
Plus the 6,938 different people who have visited it in August
Plus the 10,846 different people who have visited it in September
and the 7,377 different people who have visited it so far this month
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~



=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

http://www.xlpharmacy.com?kbid=10871&img=online-pharmacy-med.gif


=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-




!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 9,381 votes !!!

If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Last mailing I announced I was heading for the UK.  It was delayed a
couple of weeks.  I'm still in the US.  The plan is for me to head to
the UK on the 26th if the work permit is issued by then.  So I will
carry on then as before for another week.



*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 3 bonehead awards! (Sorry! It has been a VERY slow news
week)




Understanding The Gravity Of Their Actions

Finding that their new refrigerator won't fit through the door, these
guys decide to try to fit it through the smaller top floor window
instead.  So you already know they aren't too bright.  Watch what
happens next. About one minute long.


http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery51.html


------------------------------------------------

An Artful Look At The Lack Of Common Sense

Two student's at New York City's Pratt's School of Art And Design were
arrested for placing fake bombs throughout the New York City subway
system as part of an art project. They were even warned against doing
so by their art teacher. They said they were calling attention to the
what they feel is the failure of the Transit Authority's "If you see
something. Say something" campaign which, actually, seemed to work
fairly well in this case.

"There's a difference between challenging paintings and
thought-provoking conceptual projects and criminal activity," Frank O.
Lind, dean of Pratt's School of Art and Design, said. "This was
shouting fire in a crowded theater."

The project has earned them an "F" as in "felony" and now they each,
sadly, face a possible 7 year prison term.

This writer, a parent who understands that young people aren't always
capable of understanding the harm in what they do, hopes the court
will be lenient and allow these two to make up for their crime in a
way that will provide solid benefits to society.


Newsday (Long Island, NY) 14-Oct-06
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/wire/newyork/ny-bc-ny--artbombs1014oct14,0,200\
4269.story?coll=ny-region-apnewyork
or http://tinyurl.com/vt7xt

------------------------------------------------

Giving A Call Back

Tom Mabe's funny revenge on a telemarketer. The only telemarketing
call you'll be glad you listened too. 3 1/2 minute audio.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery52.html

--------------------------------------------------




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=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

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$7.95 per month!!

I use Dreamhost.  I am so happy with their
service and support!  I recommend them.

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=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-








*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com


     * Any random idiot with a computer can contribute
       to the message Yahoo will be beaming into space,
       apparently in an effort to convince potential
       invaders that there's no intelligent life worth
       enslaving on this planet

       or to look at it another way ...

     * Yahoo's solution to finding extraterrestrials?
       Goad them into attacking

     * Designers dress up 14-year-olds to make them look
       like 19-year-olds who look great in clothes that
       will be sold to 40-year-olds

     * Malaysian man pays $54,300 to have his surname on
       his license plate. I didn't realize 'Dumbass'
       was a Malay name


*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

Winning For Dummies


In the Evil Parallel Universe they have a winning educational system.

A central Florida Catholic school hired two brothers with prior arrest
records for cocaine trafficking, rape, kidnapping, burglary, assault,
battery, peering into windows and stalking. One was having video taped
sexual encounters with one of the students.

It all came out in the open when another student complained that she
was being sexually harassed by one of the brothers who even hid in the
family bushes at night trying to peer into their windows.

Why would a school hire such men?

Because they were both winning coaches. Please keep your priorities
straight.

State law requires schools to do background checks. It isn't clear
whether Orlando Christian Prep ignored what they learned about the
brothers or decided to skip the checks because winning is everything.

WFTV (Florida) 9-Oct-06
http://www.wftv.com/news/10037923/detail.html


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

Wants To Be A Ring Leader

The following was stolen from the QT column of the Chicago Sun-Times:

Winning by a nose?

News Headline: "Clown is running for mayor in California."

Isn't it more newsworthy, one thing taken with another, when it isn't
a clown running for office?





????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
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*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************






---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------




**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


My husband is not usually clueless about what to get me for holidays
but he really bombed out last Christmas.  He got me a digital
thermostat that he said I had been begging for.  (He had really been
the one complaining about how much energy we were wasting by not
having one so I suggested he buy one. Of course I did not mean as my
Christmas present)

He also got me some cordless phones because we needed them and because
he says am always on the phone (I guess that part is true).





HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************

I read with interest about the delivery driver and houses with no
numbers, lights etc.  What really bugs me is businesses that want us
to find them.  They  show an address in their ad or in the phone book,
but don't say it is in a mall.  Malls, shops, car dealers etc.. have
HUGE signs at the street, but the numbers, if they exist, are 2 inches
high, painted on the door.

ONCE, by the time I found a store number, I was 6 blocks away from a
shop I was looking for.

CLUE,  PUT BIG NUMBERS ON STORES,  MAKE IT THE LAW, BIG....  it helps
others find you and you help people find other stores for products you
do not have.  BE NICE to us customers...

Thanks for the rant!

Saskriderfan!




--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

I'm 10, and I used to think I went to school with a bunch of
boneheads, until I started reading these! I read these every night
with my mom. It's nice to have a good laugh before I go to bed. Keep
up the good work!

--- Cassie




-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/guqb4
or
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============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08222002 210040 151

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
new content is available so you don't have to be checking every day.

If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
interesting alternative for you.

Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are the magic E-mail addresses to manage your subscription:

To join send a blank message to
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To unsubscribe send a blank message to
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Want to change your address?

Go to http://www.yahoogroups.com.  If you have a Yahoo ID, sign in.
Otherwise follow the directions to get one.  Once you sign in, you
should be able to change you address associated with all your
yahoogroups mailings.

Want to advertise? Check out the information on our web site at
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^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
This is today's installment of
the Bonehead-Of-The-Day award by Jerry Lerman.

We have 36,488 subscribers!
Plus the 6,273 different people who visited our website in July
Plus the 6,938 different people who have visited it in August
Plus the 10,846 different people who have visited it in September
and the 11,634 different people who have visited it so far this month
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~



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XLPharmacy.com

- A trusted and reliable online pharmacy
- Brand name and generic prescription drugs at a tremendous savings
- Prescription drugs made by world renowned manufactures:
      Novartis, Cipla Abbot, Aventis, Bayer, Cipla,
      Merck, Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline and Ranbaxy.
- Shipped discreetly in the manufactures' original package with
      the manufactures' original seal for your safety.

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're still rising.  Now with 9,666 votes !!!

If you like today's mailing, PLEASE vote for us at
http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You can vote once a day!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Still writing from the US



*****************************
THE BONEHEAD AWARDS
*****************************


Today we award 7 bonehead awards!



Pubic Nuisance


A luggage Handler Was Arrested For Stealing Women's Pubic Hair. Wait.
What the?

An Australian news service reports that an airport luggage handler, at
his hairing in Melbourne Magistrates Court, has pleaded guilty to 110
counts of theft and stalking.

"He is accused of taking head and pubic hair samples from women's bags
while working as a sub-contractor for a company employed by Qantas to
return lost luggage to its owners," say police who caught Rodney Lyle
Peterson in an apparent police hair net.

Sudden Hair Loss

"Police later searched his home and seized a computer, mobile phones,
four more exercise books containing the personal details of 365 women,
plus 80 labelled and seven unlabelled plastic bags containing human
hair."



News.com.au (Australia) 20-Oct-06
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20614709-1702,00.html


------------------------------------------------

Nobody Is More Beautiful Than You

World famous advertising agency Olgilvy and Mather
(http://www.ogilvy.com/press/showpress.php?ID=2841) shows you why
nobody is more beautiful than you because the models they use on
billboards are nobody. They don't exist. Our perception of beauty is
based on people who do not exist.

Watch this 1 minute 10 second video and see how the agency turns an
ordinary everyday looking woman into a super model. The real surprise
is toward the end.

Please show this to your daughters. It wouldn't be a bad idea to make
this a show and tell at school or girl scout meetings either.

http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery53.html


------------------------------------------------

The Only Man In The World Happy About Airport Security

Don't ever complain to Donald Church of Seattle, Washington, about
airport security. For if not for airport security he would still be
walking around with a 13 inch blade which surgeons left in his stomach
two months earlier. It was found by airport detectors and had been a
cause of pain since his stomach surgery.  See article, with picture.


The Sun (UK) 19-Oct-06
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006480534,00.html??2


--------------------------------------------------

Auto Destruct Sequence


What would it be like if everyone drove like that jerk who cut you off
the other day? About 1 minute.


http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery54.html


-----------------------------------------------------


The Seattle Windshield Pitting Epidemic Of 1954


Have you ever heard of the Seattle Windshield Pitting Epidemic of
1954? When thousands of cases of mysterious small holes in car
windshields began being reported in Washington State?

"On April 15, 1954, Bellingham, Seattle and other Washington
communities are in the grip of a strange phenomenon -- tiny holes,
pits, and dings have seemingly appeared in the windshields of cars at
an unprecedented rate. Initially thought to be the work of vandals,
the pitting rate grows so quickly that panicked residents soon suspect
everything from cosmic rays to sand-flea eggs to fallout from H-bomb
tests. By the next day, pleas are sent to government officials asking
for help in solving what would become known as the Seattle Windshield
Pitting Epidemic. "

Tiny windshield holes were first noticed in Bellingham, Washington.
Soon residents 25 miles south of Bellingham began reporting the same
phenomenon. Police set up roadblocks believing hoodlums were involved,
but none were ever caught.

It continued to spread, reaching a Marine camp, prompting 75 marines
to make an intensive 5 hour search for the culprits, but to no avail.

As it appeared to approach Seattle, after more than 2,000 reports to
police from other areas, the city of Seattle went into a panic. This
was apparently not the work of vandals after all. But nobody could
explain it.

"...On the morning of April 14, 1954, Seattle newspaper subscribers
read frontpage reports of the events that had transpired to the north.
The afternoon papers carried similar stories. At 6 p.m. a report came
in to Seattle police that three cars had been damaged in a lot at 6th
Avenue and John Street. At 9 p.m., a motorist reported that his
windshield had been hit at N 82nd Street and Greenwood Avenue. Then
the floodgates opened."

"Motorists began stopping police cars on the street to report
windshield damage. Parking lots and auto sales lots north of downtown
were hit, as well as parked cars as far west as Ballard. Even police
cars parked in front of precinct stations suffered damage. Extra
clerks were brought into the stations to answer the flurry of calls
from angry and perplexed car owners. By the next morning, windshield
pitting had reached epidemic levels."

The sheriff's office stated that "no human agency" could have created
the scars left on the glass.

There were all sorts of theories from the Navy's new million-watt
radio transmitter to cosmic rays to supersonic sound waves to nuclear
fallout. Some people suspected sand fleas were somehow laying eggs in
the glass because some people said they could actually see the glass
bubble up right before their eyes.

In all, some 3,000 windshields in Seattle were reported to police as
having been damaged.

Here comes the science.

University of Washington scientists (from the "environmental research
laboratory, the applied physics laboratory, and the chemistry,
physics, and meteorology departments) did a quick survey of 84 cars on
the campus. They found the damage to be "overly emphasized," and most
likely "the result of normal driving conditions in which small objects
strike the windshields of cars." The fact that most cars were pitted
in the front and not the back lent credence to their theory.

"Further investigation by the City of Seattle Police Department showed
that most dings pitted older car windshields. In cases where auto lots
were involved, brand new cars were unpitted, whereas used older cars
showed signs of pitting. Police found rare instances of "copycat"
vandalism, but most of the cases had a simple explanation: The pits
had been there all along, but no one had noticed them until now."

"Sergeant Max Allison of the Seattle police crime laboratory declared
that all of the damage reports were composed of "5 per cent
hoodlum-ism, and 95 per cent public hysteria." Puget Sound residents
had unwittingly become participants in a textbook example of
collective delusion. By April 17, 1954, pitting incidents abruptly
ceased."

"The Seattle pitting incident contains many key factors that play a
part in collective delusion. These include ambiguity, the spread of
rumors and false but plausible beliefs, mass media influence, recent
geo-political events, and the reinforcement of false beliefs by
authority figures (in this case, the police, military, and political
figures)."

" This combination of factors, added to the simple fact that for the
first time people actually looked "at" their windshields instead of
"through" them, caused the hubbub. No vandals. No atomic fallout. No
sand-fleas. No cosmic rays. No electronic oscillations. Just a bunch
of window dings that were there from the start. "

Hence it is in the Bonehead Of The Day Awards


HistoryLink.org
http://www.historylink.org/essays/output.cfm?file_id=5136




=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
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Great Web Hosting Deal!

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PHP, MYSQL, CGI, PERL, Jabber, Wordpress,
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$7.95 per month!!

I use Dreamhost.  I am so happy with their
service and support!  I recommend them.

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=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-


Parking Violation

Now you can strike back at the bonehead who can't park his or her car
without taking up 2 parking spaces -- by sticking this beauty onto
their boneheadmobile.  Check out http://www.yousuckatparking.com/



--------------------------------------

Returns For What's Coming To Him
A "Too Dumb To Be A Criminal," Bonehead Award

A sword wielding Perth, Australia, man who robbed a service station of
cigarettes and cash ran from the store, but forgot to take his booty,
and then returned later to retrieve it, police said.



The Age (Melbourne, Australia) 20-Oct-06
http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/swordwielding-robber-begs-for-booty/2006/\
10/20/1160851106753.html
or http://tinyurl.com/y5kmqm



*********************************
*** TODAY'S GREAT HEADLINES ***
*********************************

From Fark.com


     * Microsoft releases newest security flaw, code named
       Internet Explorer 7

     * "Sexist" urinals removed from public washroom. How did
       the women find out? Men, a traitor walks among us

     * Average mpg for cars sold in 1980: 23.1. Average mpg
       for cars sold in 2005: 24.7. Glad to see all that extra
       money you were forced to pay for your new car to support
       the research, factory retooling and the government
       bureaucracy has done so well for you.



*************************************************
HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

Yee A Sleaze

In the Evil Parallel Universe, politicians support everyone's view on
an issue.

San Francisco California state Assemblyman, Leland Yee, cosponsored a
bill requiring that each semiautomatic handgun sold in California must
leave a unique numeric signature on the expelled bullet to make it
easy to identify the weapon that shot the bullet.

     * He bragged about how proud he was to be a
       bill cosponsor.

     * He was proud to be named to the honor roll of
       the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence for
       his having cosponsored the bill.

     * He sent out a news release announcing his role
      in sponsoring the bill.

So, how can he appear to be on both sides of the fence?

Here's the left side of the fence

When his own bill came up for a vote, Yee not only voted against it
but made sure it came up for a vote when some of the bill's supporters
were not, at the time, in the Assembly, therefore assuring the bill's
defeat. The bill failed by three votes.

Now the right side of the fence.

With the bill defeated, Yee, because he was not the deciding vote, was
allowed to go back and officially change his vote to a "yes."

"Thus, Yee can still brag that he officially voted for the bill --
even though his actions helped kill it. "


San Francisco Chronicle (16-Oct-06)
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/10/16/BAG0PLQ5S71.DTL


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends at the Bonehead Of The Day Award message board.
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*************************************************
WEIRD EXTRAS
Stories without comment (well, sometimes)
*************************************************

None today.




????????

Did you like today's stories?  Worth a vote of approval?  Please vote
for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html if you think so.
You can vote once a day.

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##########################################

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Check out Amazon.com's 100 top books!
http://tinyurl.com/ywukl


#########################################




*************************
SPEWBALL BONELINERS
*************************






---> The views expressed in this section are those of the author's
alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Bonehead Of The
Day Award.


Send your news-related bone-liners to spew@...
Your name will be used only if you explicitly state that I can use it.



------------------------
PLEASE vote for us at http://www.ezinefinder.com/bonehe-vote.html  You
can vote once a day!  Thank you!
------------------------




**********************************************************
FROM THE "MEN" WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************


My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years,living together for
five and have a nearly two-year-old daughter. Through the entire
period of time that we have been together, he has just never been able
to figure out what I want for my birthday, no matter how strongly I
hint.

Last year I hinted for weeks that I wanted to go away overnight,
nothing fancy, just a night away to be alone for the first time since
our daughter had been born. I not only hinted, I had friends and
coworkers of his and even both of our mothers in on it, hinting and
telling him he should take me away for a night alone. But in the end,
I got a new razor and razor blades.

This year, I went through the whole thing again to get a night out for
dinner and a movie. I got two packs of plain white socks. Next year,
maybe I'll ask for a new dishwasher, then maybe I'll get my night out,
and if not, at least a new dishwasher would be useful.

--Kate



HELP!!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVV I NEED MORE STORIES!!! VVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV


--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
     Send me an Email to Clueless@...




***************************************************
FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************

Like to nominate a bone head award if I may? I would like to nominate
the occasional person who can't understand the word "Additional".

I work as a cashier at photo booths setup at Six Flags Magic Mountain
in Valencia, CA. Our price sheet is simple. One 5x7 is 9.00$ , one 4x3
is 7.00$, and the key chains are 9.00$. Included under each is
"Additional for $5.00". So two 5x7 is 14$ (9+5), two 4x3 is 12$ (7+5),
and 2 key chains for 14$ (9+5).

Daily I get several people who come up and order an "Additional" ...
Uhh, that is like walking into a coffee shop and ordering a *REFILL!!!

Can't these people understand English? Jeeze....

--Lee




--> Who or what do you put up with? We want to know.
     Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@...


Note, there is a sizable queue of stories so you may not see your
story printed for awhile.




***************************************
TODAY'S NICE COMMENT FROM A NICE PERSON
***************************************

I was already subscribed to this fabulously funny and outrageous
newsletter, I just had to change email addresses.  Keep up the good
work!

Kris (Little Rock, Arkansas)


-------------------------------------------------------

You TOO can LEAVE A COMMENT in our guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/guqb4
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=sign


You can READ entries in the guest book at:

http://tinyurl.com/6b3y
or
http://htmlgear.lycos.com/guest/control.guest?u=lerman&i=1001&a=view


============================================================



See today's cartoon at http://lerman.biz/pics/DailyCartoon.html
There's a new cartoon each day.


-------------------------------------------------------

Recommend Bonehead Of The Day Award to a friend!

http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/bonehe.ezine



Want to see the archive?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/messages



============================================================
08222002 210040 151

Jerry Lerman mails the ''Bonehead of the day award'' daily (he tries)
except weekends and holidays when he doesn't try.

All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2006 by Jerry
Lerman.

Materials in the Bonehead Of The Day Award, until further notice, can
be used in print and radio media so long as credit is given to
"Bonehead Of The Day Award at http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com"

Meet new friends!  Have great conversations!  Visit the Bonehead Of
The Day message board at:
http://pub20.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?usernum=1695888081&cpv=1

All our stories are from mainstream press releases and newspapers.

You are free to send this to anybody you choose so long as the
copyright notice and mailing list information is sent along with it.

We do not sell, rent, or lease email addresses on this list nor use
them for any purpose other than the Bonehead Of The Day Award.  See
full privacy policy at:  http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/Privacy.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STORY SUBMISSIONS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want 15 minutes of fame?  Want thousands to see a good story? Stories
can be submitted by sending them to
submission@...

Be sure to include:
1. Name of newspaper the story appeared in.
2. Date the story appeared.
3. A URL (internet address) where I can find the story, if available
4. Whether I can use your name and if so what name to use
5. Please cut and paste text into the message since many newspapers
remove stories from the web site after 24 hours.

Sometimes several people send me the same story.  Only the first to
get it to me will receive the credit and only if it isn't a story I
found.  Stories can also be FAXed to me at (978) 418-7663.

Because of the volume of stories I receive I usually cannot
acknowledge their receipt, but believe me, I am deeply grateful!



~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!! RSS Feed!!

For those you who like to live on the cutting edge, I am pleased to
announce that the Bonehead Of The Day Award is now available via an
RSS feed.

RSS?  Huh?  What?

RSS arguably stands for Really Simple Syndication.  It allows content
to be incorporated into other web pages, into blogs or read via any
number of free RSS readers (I use FeedReader at
http://www.FeedReader.com because it was the first one I saw when I
Googled for one and it's really free and doesn't lay down spyware and
adware and junk like that).  There are a number of available free
online readers too.  Google has one.  Some readers will alert you when
new content is available so you don't have to be checking every day.

If you prefer to read this in HTML format, this might be an
interesting alternative for you.

Our RSS feed is http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com/rss which is all a reader
will ever ask you to tell it.

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http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2180827,00.html

Today is my 10th day living in England and in addition to just adjusting and
settling in here, I've been having a tough time finding enough Internet
access to be able to spend time finding stories and publishing the mailing.

Anyone interested in my impressions and experiences so far here in the UK
can check my blog at:

  http://blog.myspace.com/boneheadawards

It's been a great experience being here so far.  I have many reasons to love
being in England.  I think I could easily live here.

I will begin publishing something or other as soon as I get back into a
routine and have reliable Internet.

Cheers,

Jerry

Australian Broadcasting Corp. 24-May-08
Click here for original story

Subway is holding an essay contest for school children.  They are offering athletic equipment as the grand prize.  Academic materials are not part of the winnings.  Given the two spelling errors in the essay contest advertisement, I am not surprised to see that they think academics is of secondary importance in schools.  And thank you Subway for proving my point about defocussing academics.

Click on the below image to get the full picture.  The two spelling errors are highlighted in red.

Click here to see the one minute video

Most people go through life trying to turn on their cars.  Edward Smith of Washington State goes through life being turned on by his cars.  Figuring it's time he comes out of the garage, Mr. Smith has admitted that he has had sex with over 1,000 cars and a helicopter too. 

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."

Please, don't  start

The Telegraph (UK)  21-May-08
Click here for original story

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I'm still in the United States. I fly back to the UK tomorrow, June 16th.

There are some things you can buy in the UK that are not sold in the US.  For example, in the UK, you can buy Baxter's "C ock-A-Leekie" soup:


If you can't see the picture of the C ock-a-Leekie soup, click here.

If I were Baxter, I would get that thing fixed.  Having a leaking thingy is no way to go through life,  And I certainly wouldn't pack it into cans an expect people to buy it.

If you are having trouble reading this email, then click here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/message/991

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The Bonehead Awards

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CBC News 23-May-08
Click here for original story

Eric Alistair Wallace pleaded  guilty to cheating the UK government out of  about $17,500, the amount of assistance he received after claiming that epilepsy kept him from working full time and from going outdoors alone because of constant seizures.  But officials learned that he was just fine when they came across his website where he boasted about his outdoor activities.

"The court heard the website included posts detailing trips in 2004 and 2005 where Wallace was guiding groups of walkers on a climbing and hiking trip from Windermere to Kielder, a 10-hour relay race around Ben Nevis [UK's highest mountain], and a trip from Whitehaven to Sunderland [about 110 miles] ... and that his walks and routes were even published in book form."

"Mark Bailey, 35, was taken to a Crown Court but after a brief hearing sent immediately to the magistrates' court across the road.  Police said Bailey could not be walked across the street in handcuffs because it would breach his human rights - so a van was scrambled from 60 miles away for the 30 second journey."

"Brian Binley, Conservative MP for Northampton South, said: `I've never heard such nonsense. Why we should have to suffer such ludicrous incompetence, and pay for it, is beyond me.' "

The Daily Telegraph (UK) 06-Jun-08
Click here for original story

The Daily Mail (UK)  11-Jun-08
Click here for original story

Portsmouth City Council in the UK has ordered Mrs. Lourdes Maxwell to empty her 2 foot deep kiddie pool which she has used in her yard for 24 years because she doesn't have a lifeguard and doesn't have kiddie pool insurance (which doesn't exist).  This all based on a new health and safety edict issued by the city.

This is the same city that requires residents to get permission to use a barbecue.

If you can't see the photo, click here.

Mrs. Maxwell  (left) is shown next to her  dangerous 2 foot deep inflatable kiddie pool where she is seen risking the children's lives as there is no lifeguard on duty

Die Burger (Germany) 08-Jul-2008
Click here for original story

If You Are A Parking Enforcer And A Woman Pulls Over For A Medical Emergency, Do You

1. Ask How You Can Help?
2. Phone Up An Ambulance? or
   
3. Slap A Parking Violation On Her Car And Leave?

The Sun (UK) 12-Jul-08
Click here for original story

PC World 30-June-2008
Click here for original story

The Daily Mail (UK) 4-July-2008
Click here for original story

Getting Up To Speed On Driving In The Left Lane
Seattle police are ticketing left lane drivers for even doing the speed limit.  And for good reason.

Are you fed up with people who get into the highway passing lane but don't pass anyone?  Who go mile after mile after mile causing a backlog of angry drivers behind them because nobody can pass any longer?  Then move to Seattle because the Seattle police are tired of it too and they are ticketing drivers for even driving the speed limit in the passing lane if passing is being impeded.

This is today's feel good story.

"It is a traffic infraction to drive continuously in the left lane of a multilane roadway when it impedes the flow of other traffic," reads the State statute.  The left lane must be kept clear for passing.   This is because keeping traffic moving diffuses potential road rage incidents, thus avoiding assaults and accidents.  Going the speed limit is no protection, you still get yourself a $124 fine.  

The police action was prompted by several recent collisions caused by slow drivers hogging the passing lane and interfering with traffic flow.

KOMO TV, Channel 4 (Seattle, Washington)  24-Jun-08
Click here for original story

Toronto Sun 19-June-2008
Click here for original story

And what says exam regulator Ofqual? "It's for awarding bodies to develop their mark scheme and for their markers to award marks in line with that scheme."  Which is their way of telling you to "f**k off" without ignoring you and  in such a way as to demonstrate proper use of grammatical constructs.

The Mirror (UK)  01-Jul-08
Click here for original story

WTOP (Washington, DC) 24-Jul-08
Click here for original story

A UK man, David Green, 64,  and his neighbors, tormented for months by rock throwing youths who also threatened to kill him, finally took a photo of the youths as proof of their behavior and to help police identify the perpetrators.  Guess who got threatened with arrest?

The South London Metropolitan Police, completely unconcerned about Green's safety and the safety of his neighbors, sent an officer down to warn Green that taking pictures of teenagers is considered "assault" and he can be arrested.

'I think it's wrong that when teenagers are running riot and the police are called, it's about me, and I'm treated like a criminal," said the disgusted Green.

Yahoo News  11-Jul-08
Click here for original story

            Bonehead-Of-The-Day award
                   29,619 subscribers

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The Bonehead Of The Day Award stories, in addition to being published in these mailings, are also published via an  RSS news feed and as gadgets for popular portals, such as Google and Yahoo.  Stories are often published via the news feed several days before the mailings get sent.  The news feed may be a better option for you than these mailings. 

You can subscribe to the news feed by using any of a number of news readers.  The newer web browsers have built in news readers.  The feed is at http://bonehead.oddballs.com/rss

Or if you use any of these portals, you can click on the appropriate link below to add the gadget or feed directly to your personal page with no muss or fuss.



A favor??

The current US Google Gadget has 47,991 gadget users.  The gadget has only been rated twice, and by people complaining that it wasn't updated for awhile.  So the average rating is, sadly, a single lonely star.  If you have a spare moment, perhaps you can wonder on over to the gadget page at http://www.google.com/ig/directory?url=lerman.biz/GoogleGadgets/BoneheadGadget.xml and provide a ranking so as to provide a bit more balance?  To rank it, you have to click on the "Write a comment" link.  Thank you!

If you are having trouble reading this email, then click here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/message/994

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THE BONEHEAD AWARDS

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Cincinnati Enquirer 25-Jul-08
Click here for original story

Leave comments about this story here

Herald Sun (Australia) 24-Jul-08
Click here for original story

Today we bestow SIX bonehead awards!

What's Worse Than A Shoplifter Or A Drunken Thug? Someone With An Imperfectly Packed Garbage Bin, Of Course ... At Least In The UK
In the UK shoplifting and disorderly conduct is a $160 fine.  But imperfectly packed garbage bins?  That's a $220 fine and a criminal record!

In the UK, under new rules, if you over pack your garbage bin, which means it is even an inch higher than the rim, you get a $220 on-the-spot fine and a criminal record.  But if you get caught shoplifting or you go on a drunken rampage, it will only cost $160.

So, what does this really mean? It probably means the end to many peaceful neighborhoods.  Ironically many people with too much garbage to put out for the bi-weekly collection will never get fined.  Rather their neighbors will get fined.  But a word of caution.  When transferring that excess garbage to your neighbor's bin, act like you're drunk.  This way if you are caught, you still saved $60 and so it was worth it.

This will surely result in bad neighbor relations as one's excess garbage will find its way into their neighbor's bin

"Bus driver Gareth Corkhill was given a criminal record earlier this year for overfilling his wheelie bin to the point where the lid was open by four inches .... The father of four was ordered to pay a £210 ($420) fine, equal to his week's wages, plus a £15 ($30) surcharge to help 'victims of violence', and given a record."  The fine doubled because it wasn't paid on time, usually after 4 weeks.

The Daily Mail (UK)  3-Aug-08
Click here for original story  

Leave comments about this story here

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Surprisingly, The Roof Of Your Minivan, As You Drive Around Miami, Is Not The Best Hiding Place For That 40 Foot (12 Meter) Street Lamp You Just Stole
And apparently having it doesn't make you any brighter either

Fox News 30-Jul-08 
Click here for original story  

Leave comments about this story here

Don't use a translation program if you can't discern the translation from the error message

Leave comments about this story here

            Bonehead-Of-The-Day award
                   29,614 subscribers

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It seems that many people did not see any of the pictures that went out with yesterday's mailing.  I'm not sure why?  But this mailing is a combination of new stories and yesterday's stories and I'm inserting the pictures using a different technique.  I hope this resolves the problem.

If you are having trouble reading this email, then click here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoneheadOfTheDayAward/message/996



LOOK! The NEW J K Rowling books!  Pre-order today!

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THE BONEHEAD AWARDS

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Today we bestow EIGHT bonehead awards!

Those Clever Muggles.  New Zealand Police, Looking For A Juvenile Who Looks Like Hagrid, But Not Allowed By Law To Use A Juvenile's Photo On Posters, Uses Hagrid's Photo Instead
Snape upset that his polyjuice potion ingredients have gone missing again.

New Zealand police, not allowed under law to use a Juvenile's picture on posters, but who wanted to warn area residents that a juvenile who looks like Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies has been burgling the neighborhood, used Robbie Coltrane's face on the poster instead, along with, "Robbie Coltrane is not the burglar but imagine him aged 16 with lank greasy hair and you have the picture. "

Area residents welcome the police's ingenuity for getting around the boneheaded law and showing them "He who must not be viewed."


BBC 7-Aug-08
Click here for original story

Leave comments about this story here

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8 People, In The First 24 Hours, Pay $1,000 For New iPhone Software That Does Nothing More Than Put "I Am Inadequate," er, "I Am Rich" Onto Their iPhone
But, to be fair, it does come with a cute red glowing gem picture thingy

Apple Computer pulled from their stores an iPhone software program, made available by a 3rd party developer, selling for $1,000, that does nothing more than put a glowing red gem onto the iPhone along with the words, "I Am Rich," but not after 8 people paid $1,000 for it.

Oh well, there's always an alternative for those who missed out.  There's that email in their spam filter with the subject  "Never lose hope to get it bigger."


Los Angeles Times 8-Aug-08
Click here for original story

Leave comments about this story here

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What's Worse Than A Shoplifter Or A Drunken Thug? Someone With An Imperfectly Packed Garbage Bin, Of Course ... At Least In The UK
In the UK shoplifting and disorderly conduct is a $160 fine.  But imperfectly packed garbage bins?  That's a $220 fine and a criminal record!

In the UK, under new rules, if you over pack your garbage bin, which means it is even an inch higher than the rim, you get a $220 on-the-spot fine and a criminal record.  But if you get caught shoplifting or you go on a drunken rampage, it will only cost $160.

So, what does this really mean? It probably means the end to many peaceful neighborhoods.  Ironically many people with too much garbage to put out for the bi-weekly collection will never get fined.  Rather their neighbors will get fined.  But a word of caution.  When transferring that excess garbage to your neighbor's bin, act like you're drunk.  This way if you are caught, you still saved $60 and so it was worth it.

This will surely result in bad neighbor relations as one's excess garbage will find its way into their neighbor's bin

"Bus driver Gareth Corkhill was given a criminal record earlier this year for overfilling his wheelie bin to the point where the lid was open by four inches .... The father of four was ordered to pay a £210 ($420) fine, equal to his week's wages, plus a £15 ($30) surcharge to help 'victims of violence', and given a record."  The fine doubled because it wasn't paid on time, usually after 4 weeks.

The Daily Mail (UK)  3-Aug-08
Click here for original story  

Leave comments about this story here

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Surprisingly, The Roof Of Your Minivan, As You Drive Around Miami, Is Not The Best Hiding Place For That 40 Foot (12 Meter) Street Lamp You Just Stole
And apparently having it doesn't make you any brighter either

Fox News 30-Jul-08 
Click here for original story  

Leave comments about this story here

Don't use a translation program if you can't discern the translation from the error message

Leave comments about this story here